A broad approach to love magic

Posted on November 8, 2011
Filed Under book review, love, Magic | 4 Comments

I think its best to take a broad approach to love magic. What I mean is, its better to do love magic that isn’t focused on getting a specific person, but instead is focused on drawing the right people to your life. And its important to remember that any love magic also needs to focus on self-love. Looking to someone else to fill something in for you won’t work. If anything the person you bring into your life into emphasizes the issues you need to work on. That person has their own issues and you will embody those issues, even as that person embodies your issues. Thus the person you bring into your life necessarily will be someone who challenges you in some ways as much as s/he also brings joy and happiness.

People have this idea about love, prompted by the concept of falling in love, that its always something wonderful, but while falling in love is a wonderful experience, being in love is necessarily an experience where you truly face your own issues as well as the issues of the other person. The challenge is how you face those issues and evolve past them so that you can truly be with someone, and also so you can truly be with yourself. People go into a relationship hoping their partner will somehow fill in the gaps, somehow solve everything. Little do they realize that your partner isn’t a cure-all and if anything s/he will exacerbate the issues because s/he is a mirror that shows you both the wonderful qualities and unpleasant aspects of yourself. Of course you do the same for that person.

Kat and I have, since February, been reading books on relationships and love together. These are typically the books people will turn to when their relationship is in trouble and they are grasping for anything that will save the relationship. I got these books when I was in my previous marriage for that very reason. This time we took a different approach. We decided that we wanted to read these books and talk about the issues that came up as a proactive activity, as something we’d do in order to build a dialogue around love, and allow us to learn more about each other and where we were respectively coming from. And thus far the journey has been very illuminating for both of us. The discussions that have arisen out of what we’ve read have helped us both look at our respective issues and understand how they contribute to the relationship, as well as what we can do to change those issues.

What I’ve learned about love magic is that it rarely brings what you think you want, but it always brings what you need. The question is: Are you prepared to accept what you need? For me that preparation has involved doing a lot of internal work, owning my baggage (and letting it go), as well as coming face to face with my desires and understanding where they fit into the entire mix. And I’m still doing this work! It’s nothing something where you just get finished, but I can say that taking a proactive approach can make for a much smoother relationship, with both yourself and your partner.

Here’s a few books I’d suggest complete with affiliate links

The Passionate Marriage

Undefended Love

Journey of the Heart

Perfect Love, Imperfect Relationships

Love and Awakening

Book Review: Brain Magick (Affiliate Link) by Phil Farber

In Brain Magick, Phil Farber presents a thorough approach to invocation that is a combination of neuroscience and NLP, and is by far one of the best cutting edge books on magic that’s available. The author includes lots of exercises the reader can do to test his concepts, and at the same time makes all of his explanations easy to follow. Farber shows you how to bring some woohoo into your life!

Comments

4 comments
VictoriaNicole23
VictoriaNicole23 like.author.displayName 1 Like

Nice thoughts.I believe that acceptance is one that I valued most.A total surrender.Thank you for the inspiring thoughts.

thesilverspiral
thesilverspiral like.author.displayName 1 Like

Good stuff. I have always thought that the key to making relationships work is to have the maturity to say, "I was wrong," or "I could do better." Oh gods, I hate apologizing, but every time I do, I know it strengthens the bond between me and my partner; it's an expression that I value what we have together more than I value my ego and its flaws.

Magicexperiment
Magicexperiment moderator

@thesilverspiral Having that strength is important. Also having the strength to really explore yourself and your partner in context to the overall relationship can be both scary and liberating.