One week in

Posted on October 27, 2008
Filed Under elemental work, emptiness, Experiments, Taylor Ellwood | 2 Comments

One week in to the Elemental Emptiness ritual working and I can already feel some definite differences. A lot of my insecurities have come forward a lot more. Some of it is just the nature of dealing with the emptiness and some of it is a personal situation I’m adjusting to. Regardless, these feelings have surfaced and I’m working on how they make me feel feel, because it’s not just feeling the emotion, it’s also feeling the hollowness these emotions provide.

I’ve noticed that my enjoyment of different things has decreased a bit, while at the same time, the physical stimuli of light in particular stands out much more than before. What does the latter have to do with emptiness? I have no clue, not yet.

On Tuesday, when I hiked, I almost feel at one point. If I had fallen, I’d have likely tumbled down a cliff and hit a rocky area. I caught myself in time, but it was a reminder of my mortality. And on Friday I got into a car accident. Nothing too severe, no physical pain…but the spectre of emotional pain, the reminder of a car accident that was much worse again brought up that reminder of my mortality. Since emptiness or void is about nothingness, the reminder of mortality is a reminder of emptiness as well, in its own way.

For me, a lot of this vulnerability…it is liked being soaked with rain, trying to find even a hint of dryness and knowing you can’t…you shudder, you try to bundle in, but the wet is there…that’s how my vulnerability feels in the face of starting work with this element.

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