I’ve been taking a number of classes lately around men’s work and self-development and in one of the classes, there’s an exercise where you define your code of conduct, as a part of a process of learning how to master yourself and become the man you want to be. I think this exercise is applicable to anyone regardless of how they identify as a gender. What’s fascinating to me however is how the rules a person lives by (or lack thereof) define the magic that the person works, and indeed how the person surveys and experiences the world.
I’ve also been reading a book about this same topic where the author defines some rules to live by, so as to bring order to a chaotic life. The rules he shares are insightful because they aren’t moral rules so much as they are practical rules that define the way people tend to organize themselves, both within themselves, with other people, and with the environment they live in. This illustrates to me that there are chosen rules, i.e. rules where a person says I’m agreeing to live this way because this rule or value resonates with my deepest identity and I want to consciously show up with that way in my live. And then there are systemic rules, rules set by society at large that may favor some people over others and encourage a conformity in order to potentially benefit from your position. And finally there are environmental rules, which are rules that operate outside of human consciousness or control. These are rules all of us deal with and they aren’t easily altered, if they can be altered at all.
A life that operates without rules is a chaotic life, a situational response that always tries to adapt to the moment, but creates little, if any, stability. I have lived that life and I have found it to be an unsatisfying life, because there is little certainty or consistency that comes with it. Over time, with lots of effort, I’ve reoriented my life toward living a more orderly life. And even now I am continuing that process because I find that the more I define my life by rules that make sense and organize my way of being, the more focused I get with creating the life I want to live.
The rules we live by define the magic we work. As you get more and more clear around your life and the rules you live by, it shapes your outlook on your life and it shapes the magic you work. It creates the container in which your life operates, and the expectations you have around that container. Some of those rules are consciously chosen, and many of them are unconsciously chosen. The ones that are unconsciously chosen usually arrive from a combination of ancestral and familial patterns of behavior and societal norms and values. The rules that we consciously choose are ones we pick for ourselves based on an awareness around something we want to change in our lives or a way we want to behave in the world, in order to achieve specific results.
Magic is one process that can make us aware of the rules we’ve unconsciously chosen because it brings us up close and personal with our desires and it allows us to see what’s getting in the way of accomplishing those desires. Many people use magic to bend the rules of reality or find some angle that gets them what they want, but in that process they necessarily ought to take a moment to know themselves and discover what is it within them that is calling for that desire.
Sometimes what we discover is that we create rules for ourselves based around our shadows. For example, if you find yourself in a consistent situation where you are continually getting rejected by people around you, there is likely something within you that craves something about that rejection. You might find that statement odd, but consider that the rejection is a symptom of a homeostatic state of being which is comfortably uncomfortable. You know that state of being. It is familiar to you and there are no surprises to it. It ends with you being rejected, but at least you know to expect that. The problem is that leads you to settling for less.
You can only break this rule when you figure out what you getting from it that satisfies you. And you are getting some kind of satisfaction, even if it is the satisfaction of feeling comfortable with the situation, even though you don’t like it. It becomes a rule of your life, until you break it, and make a new rule, a consciously chosen rule, that you live by. Of course there can also be subtle variations of the former rule and what you’ll need to do is a deep dive into these variations and iron them out and in the process change your relationship with yourself and the agreements you’re making with the universe.
The rules we live be define the magic we work and the results we get. What are the rules you are living by? What are the results you’re getting. If you’re not satisfied with them, it might be time to do some deep work around transforming them so you can also change your life.
