The Sun copyright Taylor Ellwood 2019
9-22-2019 I switched over to Tiphareth/Michael/the Sun yesterday. What’s interesting is that as I go up the ladder, the transitions are less overt, but nonetheless experienced. It demonstrates again that you shouldn’t get caught up in an expectation of what an experience will be. Let the experience happen and let it speak to and through you.
I’m reading Sacred Economies, which explores the relationship people have with money. The author makes some really interesting points about how money depersonalizes are relationships with the things we buy, because those things become replaceable. He also links this to scarcity, specifically how we can never have enough of money because of how we use it to replace things, instead of treasuring what we have. I see some of my own habitual thoughts about money in what he shares and its eye-opening, because I see how in turn that has stopped me from perhaps appreciating what I have as much as I could or being a good caretaker. If its replaceable, do I really value it? Something to consider, though on the flipside, I also recognize that in fact I am careful with my things precisely because I recognize the value of them in terms of not just monetary cost, but also how I utilize them in my life.
9-23-2019 Today’s work with Michael/the sun/Tiphareth was very intense. By the time I finished, I felt a throbbing through my body, which I hadn’t felt before, a kind of rhythm of sorts and I could feel a connection to the solar energy. I’ll be curious to see where this leads, especially because I’ve been working with the setting and rising of the sun for a specific working, which has produced useful results in terms of changing a behavior I’ve struggled with in the past.
9-24-2019 I felt a similar throbbing in today’s meditation. This is unlike any of the other experiences and what I find I need to do is relax into the sensation and yet not let it overwhelm me. It’s a matter of fully being present with the experience and letting it teach me. And what its teaching me is another way to recognize the pulse of creativity so I can work with it and most importantly be present with it.
I also got pendants with the solomonic seals for Mercury and Jupiter yesterday. I had a dream where the person who created the sales for me came and instructed me in their use. And the Mercury seal gave me an answer to a question I had. Otherwise I’m just attuning to them and bonding my essence with theirs so that I can determine the best situations to apply them to.
9-27-2019 I came home today feeling really depressed and tired. Then I did my meditation to Michael/Sun/Tiphareth and I felt the rhythm of the sun surge into me and it re-energized me. I followed that up with some Dao Yin practices to get rid of any lingering negative chi and the result has been an epicly creative night of writing. What’s fascinating is feeling how the sun interacts with Uranus and the creative energies are sustained by the sun. It bears some further exploration.
I’ve also continued working with the planetary pendants and have noted that the use I’ve applied them to has indeed yielded some good results, both in terms of writing and creativity, and also the amount of sales coming in. I have some other plans for the pendants, and I’ve already applied them to the SOA to further enhance the planetary energies being mediated by the alchemical substances.
9-28-2019 Working with the Sun has given me the opportunity to do some dissolving work around some emotions. When you feel a strong emotion such as love or hate it can become an attachment, especially when its more about fantasy than reality. Taking falling in love vs loving someone. When you fall in love, you fall for the fantasy you have about the person. But the fantasy of the person isn’t the reality. That person farts, shits, pisses, burps and has personal issues, bad days, etc,. and when you fall in love none of that factors into your fantasy about the person. When you love someone, the fantasy is stripped away. You love that person warts and all because you know that person. Falling in love is very much about attachment to that fantasy, while loving someone…that can be its own attachment, but its an attachment to the person as opposed to the fantasy. I’ve been doing a lot of contemplation about various emotions because I feel things deep and intense, but I know how easy it is to get carried with one’s emotions, to let those emotions take over…and it can be very selfish, even with something like love, because you’re imposing your desires on someone else. Truly if you find yourself in love with someone, the hardest and yet best thing you can do is not to say anything, because while its so easy to act on that emotion and attachment, if the circumstances aren’t right, all it really ends up being is you imposing your selfishness on that person, which IME is really the opposite of loving someone. To truly love is to let go and trust that if what is felt is really meant to be it will happen in the right time and place, and if not, then you dissolve the attachment and focus on what really matters, which is being present instead of wrapped up in a fantasy.
10-2-2019 I felt my dad’s presence today. It’s been a while since I felt him and he feels mostly moved on, but I think he must have reacted to some thoughts and feelings I had around realizing I wouldn’t be getting a birthday card from him this year. It was nice to acknowledge him and be acknowledged by him. The solar work is continuing apace, a continual integration of hat steady pulse and a deeper realization of how I can tap into that pulse with magical work and use it to empower the working.
10-3-2019 The work with the Sun has been helpful, because its enabled a further focus on the essential. As I was driving to work this morning I mused on the fact that working with the sun several times now has helped me get rid of problematic distractions so that I can stay the course on what is essential. Having that type of laser focus is important and the steady pulse of the sun becomes an excellent ally for achieving that focus.
10-5-2019 Some further musing on being in love vs loving someone. When you are in love, there’s a tendency to put the person you’re in love with on a pedestal, to objectify them in such a way that you can’t see the pedestal is cracked and that the feet are made of clay. But when you love someone, you recognize the feet of clay and there is no pedestal. You meet on equal ground instead of glamourizing the other person.
10-7-2019 I had a person ask me about spirits and love and whether sex could be used to have a romantic love relationship with spirits. It’s an interesting question, but part of what it reveals is the humanocentric notion that love matters to spirits in the same way it does to humans. I’ve never found that to be the case. I’ve had sex with spirits, but for them it was a way to connect and commune with me, as opposed to having a romantic relationship. And everytime I’ve seen people try to impose love on spirits it seems to have only fed their own delusions as opposed to really doing anything else. It’s another reason I find it useful to be so careful about love, because love seems to be more of a material emotion of the flesh, and there’s nothing wrong with that, but it can be very useful to step outside the human and cultural notions of love and ask if that’s even relevant to a spirit.
10-10-2019 There is something magnificent about seeing long term plans come into fruition. Sometimes it seems they’ll never happen, but then everything comes together ad the plan executes. You just have to be patient and trust the timing, space, and other variables that are needed to bring you the success you’re looking for.
10-11-2019 When you’re dissolving emotions, its important to remember that you can dissolve them and still feel them again. It’s a continual process of acknowledgement, release, dissolution and the encounter of one’s feelings again. It’s not like you can just will yourself to be out of love or hate or whatever with someone else, or to change the emotions. you can feel them, work with them and let them go but sometimes they’ll come back. And if you can accept that, truly accept it, then you’ll work through the emotions in time.
Yet I also find that there’s something to be said about one’s dreams and how your dreams can help you process emotions without having to deal with any real world consequences. So that too is another way to deal with emotions, but its a path of fantasy and that can lead to attachments, so I think if you use dreams, you ought to also use some kind of dissolving work.
10-13-2019 I’ve always found emotions hard to process. When I was young I had to repress my emotions and it got to the point where I used to cut myself to feel anything. Then in my late teenage and 20’s I started to feel emotions but didn’t always know how to deal with them. In my thirties and my forties I’ve learning something of how to navigate them and work with them and work through, but in some ways I feel like I’m permanently damaged or broken. Add to that the awkwardness I feel around people in general and the fact that unless there is a shared passion and thus a way to go deep, it is hard to relate to other people. And why am I musing on this? Because I’m trying to figure out how best to deal with a situation where my emotions run hot and its not necessarily a good idea that they do. The dissolving work is helping though. I just have to be patient with myself and exercise restraint and caution.
10-15-2019 The continual work with the sun energy and Michael has been very helpful in inspiring a steady balance to my creative and marketing work. It’s also helping with the situations where the emotions have run hot. Continued clarity and awareness reveals how easy it is to let the subjective nature of perceptions be easily influenced and if you recognize that and can work through it, then you can step back and make choices that are clear and help you in your situation.
10-18-2019 I worked at Free Geek today. It felt good to just tear things apart and in the process work out some of the stress I’ve been feeling lately with my work. I then came home and did the SOA working with the Sun/Michael/Tiphareth and made a specific request, which has amusingly been honored already in a way I didn’t expect and made me smile. Sometimes when you can’t do what you want to do in a moment, you have to consider how that might be a reflection of what you asked for.
This has been an interesting month. It’s tested me in ways I didn’t expect, but I feel tempered by the work and I’m glad to do it. Magic doesn’t come without cost or sacrifice and what you want is sometimes a choice you make between getting rid of what you don’t need, in favor of what is essential.
10-20-2019 Some days are harder than others. I have my struggles, which I really don’t share anywhere, because they’re my struggles to live with and work through. Except I share them in this space, because this is all about the internal work anyway. I’m realizing just how exhausted I am from working at the job I work at and how glad I am that its going to wrap up soon. Having the time and energy back for the creative work will make a huge difference especially because there is so much to do. At the same time, I realize how much work has gone into manifesting this result of being done with a job…2 years as of tomorrow. It’s paid off.
10-21-2019 Wrapped up my work with Michael/the sun/Tiphareth today. Michael gave me a parting gift of sorts, a blessing I felt on the crown of my head as I was doing the final working. It felt like a heavy hand on my head and I felt this power flow into me. This has been an intense month, but I’m glad doing this work because I feel intimately connected to the planetary energies and archangels as a result.
Archangel Michael copyright 2019
Happy birthday to me