spirits, Magic
Taylor Ellwood
The relationship between sacred kingship and ...

One of the books I’m reading lately is King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Doug Gillette. It’s a fascinating book that explores the archetypes of the mature and sacred masculine. This is currently part of the spiritual work that I’m engaged in as I explore my own relationship with masculinity and heal the ancestoral and contemporary wounds that I’m becoming aware of as it relates to how masculinity is treated and perceived in modern times.

One of the aspects I’m exploring in particular is related to sacred kingship and the land. I am in the process of exploring the new city and surrounding areas that I live in. While I’ve lived here for a year, I didn’t have much opportunity until recently to really begin exploring the area and developing a relationship with the land. I find it fitting and useful that part of the process has also involved cultivating a relationship with the land, particularly on the basis of the relationship has with their home and how that relationship plays out in sacromagical work one does in connecting with the land.

Creativity

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How to start listening to your soul

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Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels

When I look back at my life what I see is someone who has not been successful in the conventional sense of the word. I have not stuck with a career for an extended period of time nor have I struck it rich with a business or even multiple businesses. I've had some successes in writing books and I've accomplished some activities I've set myself to do, but I've also spent a lot of time wandering, trying to find my purpose.

Is my purpose just to write books on magic and the occult? I think that's one part of it along with other writings I've done or want to do but I've realized for a while that there's something else calling to me as well. I haven't always known what it was and sometimes like I've gone in multiple directions exploring different interests and coming away with richer experiences and more insights.

I know I'm also not alone in this journey. I've been reading a book called Soulsshaping by Jeff Brown (affiliate link) which has described his own journey toward discovering his purpose. Reading Choose Yourself by James Altucher (affiliate link) has provided a similar perspective. Reading both books and some others has helped me recognize how much societal, cultural, and familial pressure often has us buying into ideas of success that aren't always accurate or realistic and may not apply. Certainly they haven't applied to me.

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Creativity, love, and magic

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One of the books I’m currently reading is Creativity by Robert Fritz (affiliate link). He provides a fascinating definition of love, within the first couple pages which has really stuck with me. He explains that love is at the center of creativity, but that in the context of creativity is an active force, instead of a passive experience. Love as a passive experience, is an experience where love happens to you and you get some type of benefit from it. In contrast, love as an active force is a form of generative process, where you are actively creating something.

This concept of love as an active force reminds me of another book I’m reading by Christopher Alexander which explores the process of generative creation in context to architecture. Both authors have a similar stance in that they opt for an iterative approach to what is created, recognizing that such an approach brings an organic awareness with it that informs how we appreciate the act of creation and the result.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 24

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9-22-2020 This is the last month I’m working with creativity as an element. When I look back over the last couple years, overall, I’m happy with the work I’ve done and how it changed my relationship with creativity. I think my biggest takeaway though was learned in the last couple months. I need to protect my creativity and I need to protect who and what helps protect my creativity. My creativity is what feeds my soul, but its also my livelihood and to let anything get in the way of that is to disrespect a fundamental part of myself that must be taken care of, so it can do the work its called to do.

9-23-2020 I’ve been processing some emotions the last couple days over recent events and how I feel toward certain people. And it’s helped re-reading The Slight Edge, where the author talks about the power of time and how the real power of time is the gradual changes that occur. They aren’t dramatic or loud, but they happen gradually, and if you apply the slight edge to time in a positive way, you make those changes work for you.

For me that slow gradual work is found in trying to find forgiveness in my heart for myself and other people as I slowly detangle and unwind from the recent drama of life. And its also found in coming to grips with my accountability for my actions and choices. The Slight Edge reminds me that it’s all a matter of time and that these moments will inevitably pass to new ones and what will be found in those moments will in part be informed by the work being done now.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 23

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8-22-2020 I started reading Beyond Victim Consciousness today. It had been recommended by a friend and given recent events, I felt like it would be useful to take a look and see what might be applicable to myself. My first impression is that some of the perspectives the author shares reminds me of the Adlerian psychology espoused in The Courage to be Disliked, namely that you choose the perception you have as opposed to how trauma defines. I don’t fully agree with that perspective, but I also recognize how much my own trauma can become can excuse, which really isn’t useful, if I’m going to own my choices and the consequences of them. In that sense the perspective I bring to an event defines that event subjectively. And it is all to easy to use a given perception to justify your actions, choices, blamelessness or blame, so I’m really sitting with that. I’ll be curious to see how the rest of this book can inform my journey forward, as well as what I learn from the past.

8-23-2020 I read some more of Beyond Victim Consciousness tonight. Victim consciousness wants to be right, wants to protest, wants to control, wants to make others as we are and when they refuse we become angry and punish them. An internally focused perspective wants peace and accepts the situation as it is, recognizing that the perspective you apply to the situation dictates the experience of the situation.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 21

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6-23-2020 Yesterday I switched over to the supernal of Hod, Netzach, and Yesod. Appropriately enough as well I began learning more qi gong in relationship to the placement of the feet and how to move from the hell to the ball of the foot and back again and how that movement directs the chi. I think this is appropriate because this supernal is very much about the movement going back and forth.

When I did my qi gong exercises I felt the subtle movement of the qi moving up and down my body as I shifted my feet. It was fascinating to feel and it made me appreciate again how important it is to be in the body and be present with what you are experiencing in the body.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 20

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5-22-2020 I had some vivid dreams last night around some actions and behaviors that I feel a deep sense of shame about. And in the meditation today, the focus was around not just moving to the supernal of Chesed, Geburah and Tiphareth but also around working with that feeling of shame and coming to a place of forgiveness for myself…coming to a place where I wasn’t beating myself for past actions and choices but instead simply acknowledging my responsibility while forgiving myself as well. And to be clear...It’s not that I want forgiveness from anyone else, but rather that I choose to forgive myself as a deliberate action to find healing around things that I did.

5-23-2020 I decided to sign up for the cloud hands qi gong class coming up in the early part of June. I feel like it will contribute to that deeper exploration of the internal work I’m currently undergoing. This deeper internal work is allowing me to encounter some deeper blockages around shame, rejection, and other issues that I haven’t fully dealt with. This morning I had a realization about my former relationships and how rejected I felt in most of them, which contributed to my reactionary behavior around them. If I was feeling rejected in the main relationship, I’d try and go elsewhere. That in turn would reinforce the behaviors on the part of the other person, creating a vicious loop that really hurt all involved.

Fortunately I’ve managed to change that with a lot of internal work on my part and lately because I’m going deeper its giving me to chance to work on these blockages around shame and rejection that are deeply embedded and begin undoing them and forgiving myself in the process. It’s not easy work, because it really does bring me face to face with judgement, but also with compassion, which makes the supernal work around all of this perfect. I need to find the right balance of accountability and responsibility with self-forgiveness. I think I can do that with this work.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 19

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4-24-2020 This month I switched over to working with Kether, Chockmah and Binah, with the associated archangels, planetary energies etc. The focus of the meditation has involved being present with all three sephiroth and the paths that connect them, while opening myself to the experience of all that being mediated through me. It builds off what I’ve previously done with an aim toward encompassing the entire experience.

Along with that, I’ve been continuing to do Gods play in the clouds Qi gong and the basic Bua Gua walk I’ve learned. What I’m noticing is a distinct change in my chi and ho the energy feels. It’s meshing with the sphere of art work as well. I feel like this is an integral part of the path forward with this work.

4-26-2020 Working with the supernals is different from working individually with the Sephiroth. You’re dealing with the interplay of energies, which can be its own thing, it can be tempting to sort it out, when in fact, it just needs to be experienced as its ow thing. It’s a good reminder to not control the experience, but instead simply be open to it.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 18

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3-23-2020 Last night I transitioned over to Ain Soph Aur/Pluto/Suvuviel. The three veils aren’t typically included in a Tree of Life work, but it seemed appropriate to me that I work with them. But I’ll admit I sense of morbid amusement that I would start working with Pluto on this month, of all months, when we’re dealing with the corona virus. Then again, it really is appropriate because Pluto is about death and rebirth and all of us, in one form or another, are going through exactly that.

Suvuviel is also appropriate because he’s the archangel of the present, and of the spirit cord. He ties everything together with the cord, but he can also unravel the cord. He’s present in all moments, because he is part of the present.

When I connected with Ain Soph Aur/Pluto/Suvuviel, I felt like I was at the very pinnacle of the solar system, looking back at the sun and the planets, at the earth and everything going on and I felt Suvuviel come through and explain that part of this experience is necessarily about seeing the entire picture, looking beyond the immediate circumstance to the underlying patterns. I’m not just looking at this moment in time, but all the work I’ve done the previous 17 months.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 17

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2-23-2020 Yesterday I switched over to Kether/Uranus/Metatron. Modern quabalists associate Kether with Uranus and this makes sense to me because of the current of creativity and sacrifice that runs through Uranus. When I switched over to this month, the switch felt like a departure from the currents of Neptune to this place of being, gentler in a way, and yet also insistent on discovery the potential within the being.

In tonight’s meditation Metatron talked with me about creativity and how the sacrifices a person makes with creativity need to be chosen carefully. What are you willing to give? What are you willing to choose and what are you willing to give away? Creativity doesn’t happen in a void. Potential is boundless until a choice is made.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 15

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12-24-2019 Tonight as I mediated this energy, I was reminded how important it is to observe and be aware of my passions, without letting them take over. Saturn’s appropriate for that because of the boundaries and limitations. Here is where power is given away for form, where potential turns into reality.

12-26-2019 I’m finding myself experiencing a curious sense of stillness and quiet…a healthy sense of it and an awareness of the value of turning inward and focusing on rest and rejuvenation. At the same time I find myself focusing even further on the essential and what really matters. Sometimes we must necessarily get rid of the clamor of the world to discover what really matters.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 14

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11-23-2019 I started working with Tzadkiel/Jupiter/Chesed this month. It seems particularly appropriate that I work with them this month as I’m preparing to leave my job and go into full-time indiepreneurship. I was looking up information about Tzadkiel and I came across this passage in William G. Gray’s Ladder of Lights (Affiliate link)": “The greatest and most genuine benefit Jupiter can possibly give us on this Earth, is to fulfil our material necessities so that our minds and souls will be set free to seek nobler aims than drudging for a bare livelihood.” I read that on a day where I’ve been feeling stressed about leaving my work, because some unexpected expenses have come up. Kat has reassured me we’re fine and we can stay on course.

And on that same day, today, I was writing my newsletter on the topic of how to use magic to get through tough times and I read my advice, which among other things including letting go and trusting that the journey will take you where you need to go…and point made. I’ve been holding on, resisting the very change I want and I just need to let go, especially when its clear the means have been provided that I can do so.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 12

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9-22-2019 I switched over to Tiphareth/Michael/the Sun yesterday. What’s interesting is that as I go up the ladder, the transitions are less overt, but nonetheless experienced. It demonstrates again that you shouldn’t get caught up in an expectation of what an experience will be. Let the experience happen and let it speak to and through you.

I’m reading Sacred Economies, which explores the relationship people have with money. The author makes some really interesting points about how money depersonalizes are relationships with the things we buy, because those things become replaceable. He also links this to scarcity, specifically how we can never have enough of money because of how we use it to replace things, instead of treasuring what we have. I see some of my own habitual thoughts about money in what he shares and its eye-opening, because I see how in turn that has stopped me from perhaps appreciating what I have as much as I could or being a good caretaker. If its replaceable, do I really value it? Something to consider, though on the flipside, I also recognize that in fact I am careful with my things precisely because I recognize the value of them in terms of not just monetary cost, but also how I utilize them in my life.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 11

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8-24-2019 - I switched over to Venus/Netzach/Auriel the other day and its been interesting to note the energetic shift. I feel a bit more laid back and contemplative since shifting over, but I also still feel driven to write. In one sense, I am experiencing creativity in different phases and the Venus phase is distinct because it doesn’t feel as fast as Mercury, but it does feel a bit more grounded.

With the release of my first fiction book, I think its taken on the form of contemplating why I love what I’m doing, as well as what I’m willing to do to pursue that love. It seems appropriate to Auriel that I’m doing this because I’m starting my fiction writing career and it will take some work that I haven’t had to do in a long time as a non-fic writer.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 10

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7-22-2019 Today I shifted over to Hod/Air/Mercury/Raphael and its and interesting shift…a sharp, clear shift that feels like a papercut, especially when paired with creativity. Actually I’m finding this entire meta process to be intriguing because I’m bundling these correspondences together with creativity and of course the creative insights I’m getting and the paths that are opening are very helpful.

Today, for example, it was getting further clarity on how to launch my first fiction book and what can be done to help that fiction book stand out, while also dong some further writing on my next fiction book. In any case I’m just letting myself get carried into the air and the associations with it.

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The power of the imagination in magic

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I’m currently re-reading The Way We Think, which explores conceptual blending and how we are able visualize and do other amazing things with our mind that are much harder to replicate with computers. The reason is that a while a computer can do rational analysis, what it can’t easily do is imagine. The power of the imagination allows us to experience the world from a multitude of perspectives and find novel solutions to problems that fall outside of rational analysis.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 9

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6-24-2018 I’ve started working with the Archangel Gabriel and the energy of Yesod/Moon for this month. Appropriately enough I think I’ve already set myself up for the work and not in a wonderful way. There are times I really I think all I’m good at doing is fucking up. This is one of those times. I made an impulsive decision (I’m good at those) instead of slowing down. I always learn after the fact, but when the damage is done, what good is the learning?

6-25-2018 Continued work with Gabriel today and I’m very much feeling the influence of the West and water, as well as a sense of tidal pulsing back and forth. Life comes and goes. The tides pull and push. Life continues.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 8

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5-24-2019 Yesterday I started on the next phase of my work with the sphere of art. This is work I’m developing on my own, independent of what R.J. Stewart has already shared. This month I’m working with the archangel Sandalaphon and the planetary/underworld energy of the Earth. I’ve decided that this will help me build up the correspondences further as well as refine the sphere of art further, in terms of how it can be worked with.

5-26-2019 When I do my meditations with Sandalaphon, I’m using the elevated alchemical materials for Carbon, which represents Earth/underworld. I’m actually thinking of Malkuth as the gateway to the underworld, which might seem odd, until you consider that is where the seeds, minerals, etc are buried, where life begins and in one sense the underworld is as much a part of that process as anything else.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 7

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4-23-2019 I’ve been starting to do some work with the sphere of art around going deeper into my creativity, and into exploring how I can use such a state to inspire my creativity. I’ve also been exploring what it’ll take to be successful as a writer, mapping out what my routine ought to look like as well as what to attend to business wise. The true success of any creative is the choice is to be a business owner as well as a creative.

4-27-2019 One of the decisions I’ve made around my writing is that once a year i’m going to re-read the books on book marketing and sales. Being a successful writer isn’t just writing, but learning all the skills around it and what I’ve noticed is that reading and implementing what’s in those books has helped me improve my book marketing skills. So this time around I’ve made a couple of changes and I’m glad I have, because I think it’ll make a significant difference in what I’m doing and how I’m reaching out to people.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 6

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3-24-2019 I had a realization today about my passive aggressive behavior. When I am passive aggressive its because I’m in a situation where I don’t feel like I’m in control. The passive aggression is a way to try and get that control back or undermine it for the other person. When I trace this behavior to its origins, I find it goes back to my childhood because I wasn’t allowed to express my feelings of anger or anything else along those lines without getting punished.

Having this realization is helping me look at situations where I don’t feel like I have control and helping me see how that behavior is coming out. And its helping me realize I do have a choice. I can choose how I express my feelings. I can choose to be passive aggressive or I can choose to be direct, even in situations where I may not feel I have control.