Tzadkiel by Taylor Ellwood Copyright 2019
11-23-2019 I started working with Tzadkiel/Jupiter/Chesed this month. It seems particularly appropriate that I work with them this month as I’m preparing to leave my job and go into full-time indiepreneurship. I was looking up information about Tzadkiel and I came across this passage in William G. Gray’s Ladder of Lights (Affiliate link)": “The greatest and most genuine benefit Jupiter can possibly give us on this Earth, is to fulfil our material necessities so that our minds and souls will be set free to seek nobler aims than drudging for a bare livelihood.” I read that on a day where I’ve been feeling stressed about leaving my work, because some unexpected expenses have come up. Kat has reassured me we’re fine and we can stay on course.
And on that same day, today, I was writing my newsletter on the topic of how to use magic to get through tough times and I read my advice, which among other things including letting go and trusting that the journey will take you where you need to go…and point made. I’ve been holding on, resisting the very change I want and I just need to let go, especially when its clear the means have been provided that I can do so.
Tzadkiel/Jupiter/Chesed is really about right livelihood, following the path of righteousness. It’s not so much about material prosperity as many people make it out to be, but about coming to the right balance in your life that you can pursue the work you are called to do. This was made clear to me by the impressions I got of Tzadkiel, who feels similar to Khameal, but distinct enough. I see them linked hand in hand, different sides of the holy fire of purification. Gray mentions that Tzadkiel teaches a person how to adjust to situation and find opportunity and also cautions that what someone is given is meant in turn to be passed onto others and I resonate with because in a very real sense, my journey into writing as a career is about taking the gifts I’ve been given and passing them onto others, while getting what I need in the process to take care of myself.
11-26-2019 I had a bit of a setback with my latest book, because of how pre-orders are setup, but a bit of ingenuity and a conversation with a customer support rep got everything fixed that needed to be fixed. I realized I just needed to be assertive and explain the situation and get a resolution. Part of being creative is knowing how to also present a situation where you can get the righteous resolution needed without being unpleasant or nasty about it.
11-28-019 Last night Tzadkiel came to me during my meditation and we talked about righteous wealth. I had come home earlier that day and told Kat about the raise and bonus I got at work, but also brought up concerns about me leaving the job at the end of the month, because of some curveballs that have come our way. Tzadkiel pointed out that the path of righteous wealth isn’t about holding onto wealth, but about distribution of wealth to not only help ourselves but also others. We have enough to cover our needs and live comfortably and at the same time help other people that need our help right now. And it really framed things for me in a different perspective because it helped me recognize that it is not enough to simply accumulate wealth. You must also consider what you will do with that wealth and how it can serve not just you, but other people. It’s a continued reframing of everything I know and the lessons life brings in that regard can be hard, but also a joy because of what they teach us.
11-29-2019 I decided to stay with my job for a while longer. I actually feel relieved because while everything is moving in the right direction I’m not quite there yet and I realize this is actually a good exercise in determining what would need to be in place to help me get to that point of being full independent without it having a negative effective on my family. In the meantime I’ll keep writing and learning and growing.
I also had another lesson in letting go today, where I let go of me need to be in control and just trusted Kat by opening up about some of my stresses and fears. I let her in and let go and discovered something better for it in our interactions.
Today’s meditation on Chesed/Tzadkiel/Jupiter proved to be quite interesting. I surrendered to the flow of the energy and as I did I felt Tzadkiel touch me through the alchemical substances and I felt this adjustment, this opening up within myself, and a deeper connection to creativity open up. When you let go into the flow, the path will take you where you are needed. But nothing is handed to you that isn’t planned for in some way. Stay the course and trust the journey by being present each step of the way.
11-30-2019 I had a restless night. I felt/feel some resentment for once again having to put my own dreams on hold so I can support everyone else. Yes, I know it’s a lesson in Chesedic wealth and also being a responsible adult, but sometimes I don’t want that burden on me. But regardless of whether I want it or not, here it is and right now here I am. And I realize just have to do what I gotta do. There isn’t always an easy solution, but instead there’s the path and you walk it one step at a time, knowing you’ll get where you need to go, but that you also gotta focus on the path itself, on being in the journey, especially when that journey isn’t easy and calls on you to step up and be present with the hard, awkward moments. Right now here I am.
When I worked Tzadkiel today I felt him connect with the resentment I was feeling and he helped me change it, transform it into something else that could be useful. At the same time it really clarified how I need to approach things from here out with everything I’m trying to accomplish.
12-1-2019 In today’s meditation I felt Tzadkiel touch my hands and channel his energy into them and ten to my torso in the same areas Khamael touched.
12-7-2019 I haven’t done the sphere of Art working since Tuesday because I’ve been busy helping my mom pack her home, decide on what she’s keeping and not keeping and getting ready to move. It’s been exhausting and when I get back to the hotel I’ve vegged. However I’ve been told by Tzadkiel that for this instance, its okay, because this time with my mom has been part of the Chesedic righteous wealth work I’ve been doing this month. He also points out that sometimes one’s spiritual work takes the form of the actual work you must do to help someone else and that this is a good thing…We can’t do ritual work all the time, without finding some way to apply it and also have it applied to ourselves outside the ritual context. And he’s also given me both a class and book outline this week.
12-8-2019 I’m home again. I feel raw right now. I never like going back to York, because its not a place I enjoyed living. If you weren’t from the other area, it was made very clear that you were an outsider. The whole place just feels repressed and it wasn’t easy spending my teenage years there. Yesterday as I left, I realized I will never come back to York, never visit the place because I no longer have a reason to be at that place. And I felt this anger and frustration boil up within me, because living there was traumatic in a lot of ways. To visit was to recall the trauma. And now…now I’m free of that place. I can process these emotions and let go, knowing I will never be back, knowing my connection to that place is severed.
12-10-2019 I’ve been dealing with the shadow aspects of Chesedic wealth, which really boils down to dealing with my own awareness of my selfishness. And I’m also reading Dragonlance novels right now, which might seem like an odd tangent, but the character of Raistlin really brings that selfishness to the front because I see my selfishness reflected in his character, as well as some other traits I don’t necessarily like about myself. Sometimes you need a mirror though to see who you are…not just the best parts of yourself, but also the part of you that aren’t so wonderful. I can be a selfish person. I can be self-serving and only focused on my own advancement. I see those aspects of myself with the blinders ripped away. It’s not easy to see or be present with, but this work demands honesty from myself, so here I am being very aware of my selfishness and how that clouds things for me. I’m doing some dissolving work around it, with the realization that it’s not about trying to get away from those parts of myself, but rather learning from them and working with them better, so what they say can heard and addressed…because our shadow aspects have their own value and bring something to the equation we need, even and especially when it makes us uncomfortable.
12-14-2019 Sick today. I had Tzadkiel visit me in my dreams and felt another transmission happen. Also got a fiction book plot, so I guess fever dreams have some value.
12-15-2019 Mostly recovered today. Kat said that she felt like the sickness was a culmination of all the stress I’ve been dealing with in the last month and I’m inclined to agree. So much got changed so quickly, and of course I was also dealing with York and all the unpleasantness that place brings up. It worked out that I felt better because I had a couple workshops I attended, but throughout I felt the chesedic current and realized how important it is to adjust and adapt, to change what you know so you become what you need. Magic invites transformation if you are really intent on following through on it.
12-17-2019 The last couple of days I’ve been pondering pride and how pride has been and is one of my flaws, which sometimes has lead to my failures. This work with Chesed/Jupiter/Tzadkiel has helped me realize how important it is to continually be aware of those subtle flaws within ourselves that necessarily must be continually worked with. I have been working with pride some as it applies to a sense of entitlement or why does this person have that when I should, and when I have these thoughts and feelings come up, I really sit with them. Tzadkiel pointed out in today’s meditation that this work around pride is essential for me to do because it is in the way of the very creativity I’m working with and manifesting. When I get caught up in that pride, I don’t focus on that creativity because suddenly I’m competing, which as I’ve discovered again and again is useless for me. I am happier when I am focused on the intrinsic reward of getting something done because it appeals to me and its a project worth doing.
12-18-2019 I meditated further today on pride and why I’m doing what I’m doing. Why am I writing books? Why am I making videos? What is my real purpose? I realize again that the right reason must be at the core of anything I do and the right reason isn’t extrinsic rewards such as recognition or even money. It must be an intrinsic reward, where the work is done because it is work that needs to be done, regardless of what attention or awareness is called to it. If I am doing something for the right reason, then nothing else will matter, because that reason will propel the work and stoke the creativity. Instead of waiting for external validation, I’ll simply let the internal current carry me as I’ve been doing more and more.
It also made me grateful for my job. In a very real sense my job has challenged me to let go of pride and to focus on doing the work and find the validation for doing it from the awareness that what I’m doing is helping someone (even if they don’t appreciate it at the time). I was also reading The Slight Edge (affiliate link) today and the advice offered in it went hand in hand with what I meditated on. The question was asked: What is the purpose of everything you do? And the answer is that the purpose is not merely to improve yourself, but improve the lives of other people and the world. And not necessarily in a big splashy way, but simply through the work you do, through giving of yourself without expectation. It’s a philosophy that fits in well with the alchemical transformation that the Sphere of Art is working through me.
12-21-2019 Not much to note for the last few days other than a continued transmission stream of Tzadkiel/Jupiter/Chesed. Still this month’s experience have given me a lot to think about and consider in terms of chesedic wealth as well as the choices one makes around his/her mission. Tomorrow its onto Saturn/Binah/Tzaphkiel.
Jupiter by Taylor Ellwood 2019