Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2020
4-24-2020 This month I switched over to working with Kether, Chockmah and Binah, with the associated archangels, planetary energies etc. The focus of the meditation has involved being present with all three sephiroth and the paths that connect them, while opening myself to the experience of all that being mediated through me. It builds off what I’ve previously done with an aim toward encompassing the entire experience.
Along with that, I’ve been continuing to do Gods play in the clouds Qi gong and the basic Bua Gua walk I’ve learned. What I’m noticing is a distinct change in my chi and ho the energy feels. It’s meshing with the sphere of art work as well. I feel like this is an integral part of the path forward with this work.
4-26-2020 Working with the supernals is different from working individually with the Sephiroth. You’re dealing with the interplay of energies, which can be its own thing, it can be tempting to sort it out, when in fact, it just needs to be experienced as its ow thing. It’s a good reminder to not control the experience, but instead simply be open to it.
4-29-2020 I’m reading the chapter on discipline in Good to Great and it, along with a couple other little details, is reminding me of why its important to have discipline from the right place and why I need to operate from the right place in everything I do. Sometimes I don’t. That’s the brutal truth of the matter. And when I don’t am I really showing up in the right way? I am not. Even if no one else sees it, I need to. I need to rinse my cottage cheese, so to speak, because it comes down to making the right choices consistently for the community I serve, and not letting a desire for recognition get in the way. That route goes right back to the pit I’ve been climbing out of. I need these reminders. I wish I didn’t, but I do.
The sad truth is I sometimes struggle with envy. I write a book on a topic and multiple articles and no one shares it or comments on it, but someone else writes an articles and that person get’s all the recognition. It’s something that happens time and again and it frustrates me because I’m just not as savvy as some of these people seem to be with marketing themselves. But that’s my ego getting in the way. And when it gets in the way, it trips me up. I know that and yet I am all too fallible on occasion and let my ego get the better of me.
I’ll admit the quarantine is also having an effect on me. The new normal is an anxious feeling for all of us. And I’m seeing it show up in my behavior. It’s time to do some course correction, some internal work and remind myself that the reason I’m doing this work is to serve my community, whether any of that work is recognized or not.
Meditation helped today. I did a working where I evoked the part of myself that wants recognition and asked it what it needed. Acceptance from me. So I’m going to give it acceptance and see what happens.
4-30-2020 Reading Good to Great brings further clarity to the matters at handle. I need to focus both on doing the right thing and stop doing the wrong thing. I’m going to do an assessment tonight of what’s right and what’s wrong, so I can make sure I am operating from the right place in everything I do.
5-3-2020 In today’s meditation on the top supernal I felt all three Sephiroth and saw myself balanced between them and I had this realization around how the three Sephiroth and associated paths work together for manifesting something from concept into the beginning of form. It was a powerful experience and I’m letting it pervade my consciousness, and teach me what I need to learn.
5-8-2020 Found out a friend passed yesterday. I did a ritual for honoring him and felt his presence. We never met in person, but I respected him and his creativity and his magical work.
5-9-2020 My continued work with the Bua Gua and the Gods Playing in the Clouds has yielded some interesting results in my other practices. I’m encountering a deeper level of awareness around both the physical and energetic movements of my body. As I continue to do this work, I am also noticing an increased sensitivity to the sphere of art work as well, which makes sense, since these various activities are concerned with underworld, cosmos and everything between. I am also noticing a more deliberate and conscious awareness in my relationship with Kat and in general because the internal work I’m doing is helping me go deeper with dissolving internal blockages and tapping into deeper levels of energy.
5-10-2020 I had a breakthrough tonight with the qi gong movements. I felt the chi much more strongly and could feel it from the underworld, cosmos, and within. I could also feel my internal organs moving my body. The meditation tonight was also interesting because I felt the supernal balance me and come to this place of perfect union, where all three sephiroth and the paths reached a harmonious cord within me. This extended over to the movements and it tells me it is possible to connect the tree of life to qi gong moving meditation. The bua gua walk felt similar, with a connection to the overall chi. I simultaneously felt larger and smaller.
5-13-2020 Since the experience the other day I’ve continued to feel the supernal balancing itself in me and I see the extension of this work with the other two supernals. I’ve also flt more chi and more awareness of my body with the qi gong movements. At the same time I feel Suvuviel and the cord at work within the respective exercises, a merging of the two together to create an experience that connects one to the cord of the universe.
I prefer collaboration over conflict. It’s taken me some time to realize this and this is a fresh realization of it after observing some interactions on social media. I see so much conflict and I’m really not interested in it. It goes back to my days in academia, where it seemed like it was more important to win the argument then learn from the discussion. I’d rather learn from the discussion.
5-14-2020 Kat has observed that my hands feel warmer and she notices the energetic pulse is different when I’m doing healing work on her. It illustrates for me that continuing this qi gong work is essential on a number of levels. I’m also continuously feeling a deeper alignment with the spirit cord and kabbalistic work in relationship to the qi gong. There is something to all this that must be delved into more deeply.
5-15-2020 Today I carefully observed myself while taking calls for customers. I’ve been feeling more irritable lately, chafing at this job I want to be done with, but I realize that’s not the right attitude to have. I realized that the unhappiness of the day was of my own manufacturing, my misery, my suffering had come about because I was focusing on the negatives of the job instead of the positive. Later, as I talked with Kat about it, I shared with her that I realized I was part of the problem.
In the moving meditation today I had a different breakthrough. I felt, in my movements, the spirit cord connecting me to the underworld and the cosmos, channeling the energy through my body, making my insides softer while strengthening the outside.
5-19-2020 I found the next direction of my work with the Sphere of Art and the Tree of Life thanks to a conversation with Frater Barabbas and some material RJ Stewart wrote about in the Miracle Tree. I’m going to finish working with the supernals and then and work with the paths of the Tree and then work with the shapes the paths make in the tree. In the meantime, I’m also continuing to do deeper internal work thanks to the qi gong practices and finding that I’m working through some blockages as well as connecting more with the Heaven and Earth Qi.
In today’s meditation with the Sphere of Art I felt the confirmation of the three archangels about the direction to take this work in regards to the paths and shapes. At the same time they also provided further clarification on the writing I’m to do for the rest of they year. I feel this sense of purpose and peace because of this work I’m doing. I also felt the Wisdom, Understanding, and Power syncing with me from the meditation.
5-21-2020 Reading Good to Great again and reminded that success happens as a result of consistent effort. You do what works over and over again and gradually the momentum accumulates in your favor, overcoming any resistance. The key is to stick with what works, but also evaluate and change as needed. this applies as much to creativity as anything else.
5-22-2020 Getting ready to switch today to the next supernal, but I had some vivid dreams last night that really stuck with me, so I’m sharing them here since it’s still technically art of this supernal’s work. The dreams were really just my fallacies and fallible nature reminding me of my weaknesses. Sometimes we need that reminder, to stay humble, to see the work we still need to do, and to stick it out and do the wrok, especially when it’s hard.