Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2021
9-21-2021 Today I’ll be switching over to Ouranos (Uranus). This morning my magical partner and I collected dew from the bottles and afterwards we talked about partnerships and feasts and I note this only because it happened while we were collecting and distilling the dew for the archaeus work and since such conversations are happening its worth noting as a relevant and related to the energy and efforts of the work we are doing.
I meditated on plate 12 of The Mutus Liber. It’s almost the same as plate 9 though there are subtle differences. I didn’t get any specific insights beyond what I’ve already gotten, but I noticed the triangle shape again and the offering to Mercury.
Also I did switch over to Ouranos (Uranus)/Metatron and felt a sense of welcome. Last year, the creativity work was ended in such a weird way, because of events. It felt like this month is actually a redemption tour of sorts and I got the cover of my newest book today, so that felt significant as well.
9-22-2021 I started writing Walking with Elemental Spirits yesterday. The timing felt right. This morning I collected the dew and once again found myself thinking about this new partnership I’m in and how we communicate with each other. Each morning, when I collect the dew, I have thoughts along these lines and it seems clear to me that this is part of the archaeus work.
Watching more of His and Her Circumstances. Something which strikes me as poignant is seeing the internal lives of the characters and reflecting on the fact that what they think and feel is accurate to the human experience. The doubts, the fears, the hopes and joys. I can relate to all of it…and I think of my own struggles with my emotions. I simultaneously come off as intense and passionate and yet for so much of my life I have suppressed and struggled with what I’ve felt. Finding a balance between the two extremes has very much been something I’ve tried to do. Finding a balance as well as to what I share and who I let in. I seem to share so much, seem so transparent, and yet so much is kept at a distance. It’s an interesting balance to strike and I find that lately I am figuring it out again as I let my magical partner into my life and part the curtains to allow her into the places I only want to reserve for the people most important to me. To share those depths is sacred and something I can never casually do…even if it seems like I share so much on here.
9-23-2021 Meditated on panel 13 of the Mutus Liber and what struck me about that panel was how both people are equally involved in the process of working with the Dew. This isn’t meant to be a solo activity and there’s a balance that needs to be struck in this work.
Appropriately enough I participated in an equinox ritual the magical partner put together which was on the theme of balance. It was a sun ritual but we incorporated other deities into it that were relevant to our respective journeys and noted the synchronicities between those journeys, as well as committing to working together for a year.
9-24-2021 Meditated on image 14 of the Mutus Liber. It seemed appropriate that it happen on the month I’m working with Uranus. It shows the act of creation, of the sacred work being done, the refinement of the dew into substance for further alchemical work.
9-26-2021 Meditated on image 15 of the Mutus Liber. It’s an interesting image because it shows the person waking out of himself, shedding his old skin like a snake or a butterfly while the two people doing the work essentially celebrate it and are blessed for doing it. It’s quite profound and moving. I will continue to work with it in more depth and see what other mysteries are unveiled.
I have also continued to deepen my connection with Eugene, Oregon. I visit Mt. Pisgah with my magical partner and we hiked the area as well as doing some qi gong together. I felt the local elemental spirits welcome me. I am going to continue to work with the energy of the land and make further connections with the currents of energy in the area. I’ve also begun introducing my partner to experiential embodiment as a practice. I think it will prove fascinating to see how she adapts and applies it to her practice.
9-27-2021 An intense evening with the magical partner, wherein we did some Goetic work. I haven’t done work like that in years, but decided to for a couple situations and she got to partake of it. I have new spirit portal I need to create as a result. It’ll make for an interesting relationship. It wasn’t what I expected, but I chose to take it on for various reasons. I suppose it fits in this month of working with creativity. I get a chance to re-explore some work and lay the foundation for what else I’ll work on.
9-30-2021 Last night I meditated and I had this experience where I felt like someone was trying to get my attention. I came out of the meditation with a start and walked out and said, “Who is seeking me?” I walked around my little home, but couldn’t find anyone. I wonder if it was related to the goetic work of the other night.
I find myself thinking about K lately. I’ve been missing her more, even as at the same time I’ve been having further realizations about the relationship and the patterns and currents that were in it. I don’t know if we’ll end up as friends. I hope we can, but just because I want to be friends doesn’t mean she does or that we will be friends. I feel some sadness around that and miss her. There were ways we understood each other that are unique to us, and I appreciate that more lately. Still you can’t go home again, as the saying goes, and I know that I just have to acknowledge the grief and let go gracefully and continue on with my life as best as possible.
Meditated on the first image of the Mutus Liber tonight. This time around I became aware of how the angels were communicating, the spiritual transmission occurring to the person, but also it starting at night, when you put out the material to gather the dew. I felt like I was made aware of the creative aspects of this work and how it all begins as potential at night, both physically and spiritually.
10-1-2021 Meditated on the second image of the Mutus Liber tonight and the magical partner featured prominently in it. It ended up being about the necessity of aligning with your partner magically and spiritually to do the work. The emphasis was on how this work isn’t done alone, but rather done in tandem with each person playing an equal part in the work at all moments. It helped me appreciate even more how fortunate I am to be with the person I am with because of the way we are doing this work.
10-2-2021 Some musings on why I’m so formal at times. I learned early that on being formal provided two distinct things. First it shows appreciate and recognition. People feel seen and when they feel seen and recognized as a result, it makes it easier to navigate social interactions. And secondly being formal provides me a form of protection. It keeps people at an arm’s length without being too overt about it. After all, if a person is formal what can really be said about it? You’re being too polite? Maybe being too formal, but even so…Sometimes I find myself falling into it, because it is an easier way to navigate the world and interactions with other people. Do I have to approach things that way? Maybe not, but being formal guaranteed that a lot of the times I blended into the background, when I was young. How ironic then that now it makes me stand out sometimes.
I had a couple interesting dreams. One was work related and I realized that it was fundamentally about me figuring out how certain activities in my job work, wrapping my head further around the kinds of interactions and connections that occur in the job. The other was a dream about spiritual work I’m doing…feeling the presence of spirits calling to me about things I need to start working on again.
We had the first meeting of magical experiments Eugene. It was a good meeting, and I liked the sense of hope and optimism that the people in the group exhibited. I am looking forward to seeing what the 4th iteration of this group reveals to me.
Also having some realizations around boundaries, how I express myself, and how as much as I’ve tried not to be like my dad, in some ways I am. Not quite as overt, but when I think I’ve escaped his shadow, I discover nope I’m still my father’s son, just in not quite the same way. It’s embarrassing and frustrating and I am afraid if I can’t figure some things out that it seems like most everyone else knows I will screw up as a result. That and discovering the perspective in which certain other behaviors have come across, and I just feel really stupid. You think you’ve come along a ways and then you discover you’ve really only made a fraction of the progress you thought you made. Still, I can dwell on feeling stupid and embarrassed and frustrated or I can do my best to learn from the situation and do better. I will go for the latter as best I can. It’s a better action than beating myself up.
10-3-2021 Rough night, but I figured some things things out. I’m such an unfiltered person and it just brings its own challenges, and I eventually figure it out…I just wish it was easier than it is. And I talked with K today and that just brought out the water works big time. I told her I hope we’ll be friends eventually. I miss her so much still. It honestly took me by surprise. Will I ever get to a point where there isn’t tears or the pain that comes whenever I talk with her? I look around and I just feel…how am I ever going to get anything together? I know in some ways I have it together, but in other ways I just…feel hopeless.
She told me that I didn’t know what I wanted, and it felt the way other interactions in the past. Like she meant well, she really did, but at the same time it came across as knowing better than me what I wanted or would do. And the more I realize that, the more I realize how much it bothers me. It was always something that bothered me. And I can be guilty of it too at times, being presumptuous, thinking I know better when really I don’t. I don’t necessarily have all the details. I’m trying to be better about that, because it’s so easy to get caught up in the assumptions, and that’ll kill you in the end.
10-6-2021 Yesterday was eventful but I’ve opted to record it elsewhere. Today I meditated on the third image of the Mutus Liber again. The meditation was interesting because the third image has Jupiter at the top and this disc of different imagery that’s relevant to the Mutus Liber. The sense I got this time around is that what this image shows is all the things that can come together to help in the process of the dew work, but also a reminder that you have to get your act together, because you can get distracted work and the dew work, like anything any worthwhile endeavor requires focus. Certainly getting up each day to collect dew in the morning has made me intimately aware of the commitment I’m making to myself and to my magical partner.
I also experimented with the nahualism energy work techniques that Isaac shared, specifically working with the first technique. I did this after my evening qi gong practice and I noticed that it enhanced the feeling I had from the qi, while also creating a sense of return from the day’s labors. I will definitely continue this practice.
10-8-2021 Meditated on image 4 of the Mutus Liber and this time I was struck again by the timing of the dew collection, between night and day, but also by the teamwork and setup that must occur. This isn’t work to be done alone, but in conjunction with the magical partner one works with.
Last night the magical partner and I started going through some of the qi gong practices of the wood element class together, synchronizing our breathing and movements so we matched each other.
10-11-2021 Meditated on image 5 of the Mutus Liber which focuses on the process of pouring the dew and starting the process of working with it. What stood out this time around was the process of creating specific parameters to work with the dew. This was represented by Saturn and how everything had to be done in a specific order. In each step you see the people working in a specific ways and making sure everything was done just right in order to process the dew.
Yesterday I went back to Mt. Pisgah with my magical partner and we walked through the park talking about our respective pasts. Then we found a tree and started working with the wood element, doing the commencement movement to work with it. We connected with it and it was a powerful experience of moving with the wood qi and connecting with the life around us.
10-13-2021 I am continuing to work the wood element qi gong and finding it to be very helpful in terms of really understanding the ligaments and how to work with them. Tonight I meditated on image 6 of the Mutus Liber and noted both the continuation of the process from image 5, but also the cultivation of life from the dew an how this cultivation of life is given over to the sun as a way of further refining and focusing that life force.
10-14-2021 I feel frustrated with myself. Simple lessons that seem so clear and easy for other people to master are things I struggle with. Stick around long enough and it becomes clear that I’m not so aware and that things which seem to be commonsense to other people are things I struggle with. And this wouldn’t be a problem if the things I struggled with only had ramifications that I had to deal with. I get afraid because of the complexities I come with.
10-15-2021 Meditated on image 7 which sees like a continuation of the previous two images, but is also an observation of collecting the starlight from the dew. Each of these images, 5, 6, 7 and is a collection process of specific energies or emanations from the dew, and it seems to me that you continue to work this process through all these layers. In other words all of these emanations are available and its your responsibility to connect and work with all three.
Read through some old letters tonight. It was hard to read them and I’m not sure why I’m keeping them. I think what made it so hard was reading these letters and the potential that was expressed. So much of that potential didn’t get acted on and I never want to go through that again. I want the potential to be realized but that can only happen if everyone does their part and I only have control over my own choices. Still, for the community I’m forming and the partnership I’ve found, I will give it my all.
10-16-2017 Woke up early. I’m feeling a sense of sadness in this moment, after reading those old letters. How did I get it so wrong? How did I not see what I should have seen? Yet when I read those letters, at first it seemed like I had found what I was looking for, at the time. Am I any different now, over a decade later? Something I have to consider…have I learned my lessons from the past? If you have to ask…but maybe asking is worth doing.
I feel like an idiot. It’s been made very clear to me how I make assumptions and think I know things and then find out I really don’t know anything. This is why I study human behavior, to get answers to things I find mysterious, but I feel like my studies just reveal how much I don’t know and this is further confirmed by the assumptions I make. I think I’m not making assumptions. I try not to. But it seems like I’m just fooling myself and actually doing the thing I think I’m not doing. And how then do I even address that? I don’t want to be stupid, but it seems like I am when it comes to people and what I think I know and what I think I’m doing…that evidently I’m not doing.
My dad was always such a cypher, and I remember reading the memorial that the pastor gave for him. I wonder if he ever felt the way I did and just took a different approach. I know he was an intense, passionate person, and I can’t say he always had control of it, but he certainly knew how to direct and focus it in a way that I clearly don’t know how to do. I let it all out and make myself a fool in the process and he kept it within and focused it and directed it. Maybe I’ll take a leaf from his book and go down the route of not putting everything out there, and perhaps even becoming a better listener in the process. Certainly he knew how to take everything in around him and then figure out how to work it in his favor. I don’t necessarily want to go that far, but it would be good to change the way I show up, especially when its clear that I am making assumptions and projections, which is the last thing I want to do. I’ve made that mistake too many times.
10-17-2021 This has been a quiet month for me spiritually and I realize after the intensity of the summer I’ve needed exactly that. I feel like I am rediscovering my creative rhythms. I’m nearly finished writing what will be the sixth book of the year, and I’m excited to wrap it up and get started on the next book. I’m figuring out how my rhythm for writing, even with all the other changes in my life and I’m excited to be figuring this out and committing to my writing even more. It’s the work I ultimately need to do.
10-20-2021 I’ve wrapped up my work with Uranus and Metatron, in the early morning, switching over to Suvuviel Pluto and death-rebirth with my partner, during the full moon ritual we did, before my trip. Today I travel to visit my mom and it feels appropriate. This has been a grounding month overall…something I needed after the craziness of the summer. I find myself feeling happy, content and focused, thanks to the work I’m doing and to the magical partner who has come into my life.