Demons and social responsibility follow up

I've continued working with the five step process detailed in Feeding Your Demons. It's proven very helpful so far when I've had insecurities come up. It serves as an excellent complement to my Taoist breathing practices which are also focused on the dissolution of blockages. One issue that this process has helped me recognize is an awareness of focusing on how much time one spends with me as a way of recognizing my value. In recognizing this issue, it's helped me start reconsidering if that's a valid measurement of worth and also helped me further explore how to develop my own sense of worth more. I'm also writing about this process in my monthly report for the elemental working, so you'll see more information about it in two weeks. On magic and social responsibility, I've been delving further into Mencius and also just started reading Investment for Change, which examines the ethics of investing as a form of social responsibility. Mencius shares information that I find intriguing and useful for considering magic and social responsibility. One idea involves turning a vice into a virtue by sharing it with people. It argues that if you keep what you enjoy to yourself then it becomes a vice, because it's done primarily for selfish reasons, but if you share what you enjoy with others, the pleasure becomes a virtue because it is done with other people. In a sense, it also might be argued that by sharing what you enjoy with other people, you make it into a social activity where the activity can be enjoyed but also moderated by social boundaries and mores, whereas if you keep it to yourself, it may be done to excess and addiction. Also if you share your pleasure with others, perhaps you are helping to fulfill the needs those others have through the act of sharing. And how does that apply to magic? If magic is done primarily for self-gratification, is it a selfish act? If magic is shared with others as a means of empowering those others as well as yourself, does it then create social responsibility? While I don't think magic done for the self is always inherently selfish, I do think that exploring the concept of sharing magic with others is worth exploring in terms of fleshing out whether magic can have an aspect of social responsibility to it. The investment book I mentioned is focused on the idea of investing with an eye toward manifesting change into the world through your investments...while not inherently magic, it does fascinate me to explore finances in that way, and of course wealth magic provides an opportunity employ magic toward that purpose as well. Undoubtedly it is something I will explore further.

There's a few other projects, but they are not in a coherent form just yet...

An experiment with Fasting

I just finished reading Tai Chi Dynamics (see below for the review) and in it he included a chapter on Fasting and how to do it properly. I decided to give it a try today and so far it's been interesting to experience. He notes that a person can be a bit more temperamental, which is true. My emotions have been a bit edgier, though he also notes this fades as your body gets more accustomed to the fast. He also mentions that you begin to notice a difference between when you are genuinely hungry and just feeling a desire for food and he's right. There is a definite difference. I have felt a sensation that I'd say is not hunger so much as it's emptiness in my belly. In fact, I think that sometimes I have eaten because I have felt empty and wanted to fill that emptiness up with something and food has been convenient for that. In choosing not to eat, I have been observing my reactions to the feeling of emptiness in my belly and recognizing that I don't necessarily feel hungry (and yes there is a difference in that feeling). In sitting with that feeling and observing it I do notice a difference in awareness in terms of how I'm thinking about hunger and food.

The purpose of fasting is to actually break down the toxins of the body that it holds onto otherwise. I can see why this would be healthy and useful to do and so that's my main reason for trying it today, to feel what it's like to fast and also to help my body break down some toxins it'd otherwise hold onto.

Review of Tai Chi Dynamics by Robert Chuckrow

I found Tai Chi dynamics to be an interesting mixture of martial arts, physics and philosophy. The author clearly and concisely explained how physics could be applied to Tai chi movements and practice as well as providing some very interesting exercises a person could do to demonstrate the principles in action. I also found his chapter on fasting to be very useful as he explained how to properly do it and what needs to be considered in order to do a successful fast. This is definitely a book for intermediate practitioners. If you aren't familiar with Tai Chi, spend some time learning it and then come back to this book.

5 out of 5

Why it's important to keep a record of your work

I've been archiving some of my past entries on my livejournal to a private archive I use to keep track of my experiments. What stands out to me is just how sloppy I was a few years ago in keeping tracking of some of my experiments...that and also the fact that I have a lot of experimental work I need to develop further than where it currently is at. It's very important to keep a record of the work you are doing. I wish my earlier records were more comprehensive than they are...I'm fortunate that I have a paper record as a backup in the work I'm currently archiving. However, there's still a few missing details and those details count for a lot.

In many magical books the admonishment of keeping a journal is offered out so that you can keep track of your results and process. I can't stress enough just how valuable that advice is, because no matter what you read in a book, it's what you write about your own processes which really informs the efficacy of your work, and speaks also to your discipline or lack thereof.

My New Years Ritual

Each year, at the beginning of the regular new year, I have a ritual I do. I create a sigil collage with my goals for the year. I first draw sigils on it. Then I'll anoint it with the appropriate body fluids to imbue it with my personal power. I then start cutting up newspapers and magazines and create random messages out of what I cu, all while listening to my personal saint of magic: William S. Burroughs. I do this each year...it's a personal ritual, it's my way of connecting with the spirit of they year to come, and also my way of grounding the past. Review of Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream By Jennifer Ackerman

This is a really intriguing book that examines how the physiology of the body changes throughout an entire day. The reader learns a lot more about the different cycles that the body undergoes, which dependent on the time of day as well as how to make his or her habits work around and with the cycle of the body to produce healthier benefits.

What I found particularly fascinating was the detailed look at different parts and functions of the body such as digestion and sleep. As I read this book, I came to appreciate the miracle of my body even more, as well as how I can consciously work with it in order maximize the life I'm living. I definitely think that this book offers a lot of exploration for people who wish to work with their bodies on a conscious level.

5 out of 5.

The latest issue of Rending the Veil is now available, featuring articles, by myself, Lupa, Cat Vincent, and other talented writers.

Blending my practices

As I continue to evolve my personal magical practice, something which really stands out to me is that the practices and techniques I've learned from various paradigms and belief systems are inevitably becoming blended together. Tonight, for example, I met up with a brother in magic and we discussed ceremonial magic and evocation, Taoist and Tibetan Buddhist meditation techniques, and pathworking methods. We then experimented with my Tesser-act board (which is based on chaos magic) for doing evocation and incorporated some the dissolving techniques we discussed to end with a pathworking. This all worked quite seamlessly together, even though, or perhaps because it was a blending of different esoteric traditions that nonetheless could be of aid to the overall work we did together. While I recognize the importance of being able to distinguish one tradition from another or one methodology from another, I also think it's important to know when to look for complementary connections in those traditions or methodologies in order to fully benefit from them. The effectiveness of a person's practices is dictated to some degree by how that person utilizies the resources s/he has access to. So for me, being able to blend western ceremonial practices with chaos magic and Taoist Dissolving techiques is an effective process. For others it might not be, but from my own observations it does seem that sometimes the main reason a person doesn't blend one practice with another boils down to an issue of being perceived as an eclectic or fluffy practitioner. It's as if each tradition, discipline, etc., should be kept separate in order for the practice to have authenticity. I recognize that doing an eclectic practice for Eclecticism's sake isn't necessarily a good idea and that it's important to study and practice a discipline, tradition, methodology, etc., in and of itself, in order to really understand and appreciate those practices, but I also think there is a place and time for where a person can blend different practices and techniques together in order to benefit from that blend. The effectiveness of that blend will show itself through the mastery of the traditions that the blend originates from. In other words, you need to have a well -rounded foundation in order to pull off a blend of different practices successfully, but the blending of those practices can lead to innovation and experimentation, which in turn can lead people toward learning new skills and methods for helping themselves and others. It's one reason I experiment with magic.

Energy work as extension instead of contraction

I've started reading Tai Chi Dynamics by Robert Chuckrow, who is a physics professor and explains Tai chi in terms of physics. It's quite a fascinating book and I'm really intrigued by his explanation of how to work with the muscles of the body, because I think it aptly demonstrates how energy work is approached, in terms of attempting to force it to go somewhere as opposed to flowing with it. With contractive muscular force, a lot more pressure is put on the muscle to perform an action. Weight lifters tend to use their muscles in a contractive way. Obviously this can make them very strong, but it also decreases the flexibility they have. Also muscular contraction can only be done for a short time because of the sharp build up of lactic acid.

With extension applied to the muscles, the muscles are stretched in a way that is natural to them...they are kept relaxed instead of contracted. Muscular extension allows a person to perform longer...the lactic acid doesn't build up as fast.

I tried one of the exercises he includes in the book. You relax an arm that you have extended in front of you as much as possible. You gently squeeze your fingers as if you were holding a ribbon in your hand. You then replicate this motion in the muscles in your arm. It's a very subtle movement, and different from how I normally move my arm. There's not as much effort involved, and at the same time it does seem that the chi or internal energy is freed up...it flows more. I will continue working with this to see what I can do with it. Chuckrow notes that when the muscles in the body aren't using contractive force, they become relaxed and the body acts like a container of fluid. Pressure is increased equally across all parts of the body.

Personally I find this fascinating. Having done a fair amount of Taoist breath work, I know that the fire breathing is similar to the contractive use of muscles...sharp and contained. It seems more powerful, but the water approach is more like the extending of muscles. It gradually builds up the force and it can be sustained much longer.

I've only read part of the first chapter and I can already say I really like this book. Check it out if you get a chance!

Some thoughts on physiology, entheogens, and awareness of time.

I've just started reading Sex, Sleep, Eat, Drink, Dream: a day in the life of your body by Jennifer Ackerman. I'm already intrigued by what I've read, but in the first chapter she notes that there is a set of neurons that comprise the master clock in your brain, which basically dictates the rhythms of time for the body. Last night when I was having my entheogen experience, my perception of time changed drastically. Time felt elongated, slowed down, stretched out. Even my perception of light was stretched so that the light moved much differently than it normally would. My circadian rhythm had been changed by the entheogen. And this interests me, because how one's physiology reacts to any substance can dictate not only the health of a person, or the awareness of time, but also the rhythm of that person. My awareness of time admittedly also might've changed because that was what I brought into my inner journey, but nonetheless I have to acknowledge that my internal rhythms were influenced. This same distortion of time has happened with magical workings and meditation. While not necessarily as visually stimulating as my trip, my awareness of time changes a lot when I meditate. I will sometimes think I have been under for hours, only to find out I've been under for twenty minutes or a half hour. This recent experience as well as comparing notes with my meditations has made me wonder just how much our perception of linear time interferes with the awareness of biological time. When I measure time from a biological perspective, from a rhythmic awareness it seems to be much different from the ticking of minutes and seconds that tells me what time it is on my computer. It's a possible angle for further experimentation.

Speaking of possible angles for experimentation, watching a friend and former student doing her work with with the element of darkness and specifically with Sora from Kingdom Hearts decided me on utilizing the Kingdom Hearts Video games as part of my work with emptiness. Yes, I know quite profane, but also quite useful...the metaphysical aspects of the Heartless and nobodies is untapped as yet, and it could also be an excellent exploration of projective identity and personal narrative as a pathworking, similar to what The force unleashed inspired in me for working with the Emperor as an aspect of emptiness.

Entheogens and emptiness

Tonight I went over to a friend's place and utilized an entheogen. It's been about ten years since I've done it. The first time I did it, there was no spiritual purpose for doing it, but tonight, I had a specific spiritual purpose in mind.  I pulled out my two tarot decks and did a similar working, and while doing that I drank orange juice which contained the entheogen in it. I wanted to see what the experience of walking in the silver web of time would be like with the entheogen. Right now I feel like everything is an illusion, and that seems to have been the tone of the trip throughout the evening. I evoked XaH, Thiede, Purson, and the Spider Goddess of Time as I ingested the brew. I also invoked my future self, the Master of time. As I was writing down the results of the reading, perhaps twenty minutes in I began to notice that it was hard to write. I frantically finished scrabbling my notes and then put my hands into the prayer pose to start working with the silver webs of time. As an interesting note, I noticed that my train of thought became very cyclical and spider web oriented throughout the entire trip. I recall one of my fellow journeyers pointing out that what you brought into the trip is what you got out of it...echoes the sentiment of give to get.

My emotional spectrum was all over the place. I think a lot of my inner demons took the opportunity to come out and play tonight. I saw a lot of control issues and ego issues played out emotionally. Not horrible either to experience those and realize how much they sometimes inform my choices and actions. It actually showed me how strung up I can get sometimes about  the choices of life. Also the spider goddes of time devoured me at one point, or at least came close to it. She ate most of me, but left a small part behind and I regrew. I felt purified after she ate me...it was as if she ate the parts that were trying to control instead of just letting go and feeling the trip.

Physically, I felt like I was getting made love to by the music we listened to. I felt so damn good...it was like having a really good orgasm, except that it lasted for hours and hours. Also my feeling of time elongated, so that minutes seemed to take an infinity to occur. My perception of light became perceptions of web patterns of time. I wasn't so much weaving them as I was becoming them. I became this great spiral of time where I could traverse the web and go to different points.

One thing which really stands out me is that at one point I realized how instinctual every thing is. Basically I couldn't rationalize any of my choices. I recognized the instinct that informed each choice and saw each choice purely as an instinctual response. At another point I noticed how long I took between breaths as well as how heavy my body felt when I took each breath. At yet another point, the light seemed to elongate...and when I smiled or moved I felt incredible.

Remembers another point, where I pointed out to my one friend that he was wearing a sleep mask. He slipped it off and smiled...everyone moved in slow motion, jelly like in the flow of the concentric webs of time.

The final phase, which I'm in now, has been an odd experience. I'm basically observing myself doing things, talking, eating, whatever else. I'm cognizant that I'm doing the action, but it almost seems like someone else is. What's really been odd is that the observer part feels as if it's a step forward in time. So I feel like I know what Lupa will say a second before she says it. It's like everything was rehearsed in the lines of a play. I could predict what would happen and then it would happen. It was an odd experience of time to have because I did feel like an oracle. There's a part of me which is currently questioning whether I'm really writing this post or if it's just an illusion on my part.

I'm feeling really mellow at this point. The emptiness aspect of this experience really involved the inner demons coming out...maybe, or maybe it's this feeling of mellowness, or maybe its something else. Regardless, I feel very mellow, very relaxed. I think I will enjoy that for the rest of this evening. I may try these again in the near future for another space/time experiment as it proved fruitful in terms of experiencing the silver web of time.

Book Release: Mastering the Art of Ritual Magick

Immanion Press has just released Mastering the Art of Ritual Magick by Frater Barrabbas. It's the first book of a trilogy he is offering on ceremonial magic. I really enjoyed his previous book Disciple's Guide to Magic, and also enjoyed reading this one when I copy-edited it.

Space/Time Tarot/Deity experiments

I decided to do some space/time work with tarot cards after finishing A Brief hirstory of Time by Oryelle Defenstrate-Bascule. In his book he'd explain some of his own space/time tarot techniques and it reminded me of some of my experiments with space/time tarot, which I'd done a year or so back. As good as any reason to break out the cards and do some further experimentation as well as deal with a few gnawing situations in my life. As Oryelle points out and I have pointed out as well, tarot isn't just for divination. It's also for conjuration. A reading provides you more than a glimpse of the future...it also provides you an opportunity to manipulate the possibilities presented to you. I used the voyager deck to create a magical circle and an evocation triangle. The magical circle and triangle is based off the book Portable Tarot by Donald Tyson, but the technique described here is an extension of his concepts into my own style and experimentation of magic. Here's what it looks like (Note you can also click the link to see the full picture):

The aces are in the center. They form the elemental foundation. On top of them is the card, which represents my current self. My presence is the Hanged Man. The outer circle is the trumps cards used to create the magical circle or tarot temple or whatever else you want to call it.The row of cards above are trump influences I am relying on. All of them were appropriate as gateways and power providers.

The summoning Triangle is the Priestess, the Fool, and Space/Time. Normally the Hanged man would be part of the Triangle, but I replaced him with the Priestess card, thinking it appropriate, plus the Hanged man is the presence of me. The Master of Worlds is the Future self I picked for myself. I thought of going to the usual card, the Woman of Crystals aka the Gaurdian, but I realized that didn't feel right, so I randomly stirred the voyager cards until my hand came to that card, which said I am the future of you. I realize now that the Guardian card is no longer representative of me. She was the guardian of my lies, illusions, and delusions which Babalon stripped away from me this last year. The presence of the Hanged Man is that which stares into the emptiness of zero seeking answers while submitting to the suffering necessary for achieving those answers. That suffering, for me, is really the emptiness work and the work with my past, with the roots of all that has haunted me in this life. The Master of Worlds is also the Master of time, but to master anything, you have to submit to it first, surrender to the flow in order to understand the force and manifest a movement that goes in sync with others. The master has surrendered to the emptiness and so understood it. He is me after this year is finished, or at least a possible variant of me.

I did the activation of the circle as well as the invocation of the future self into my present self, asking him to guide my hands for the reading I was going to do. I evoked the spider goddess of time, Purson demon of time, and Thiede the Dehar of space/time. I also evoked Xah my Personal Daemon and fox spirit and guide. Each of these beings are essential to my mythology of time. I wanted their presence and guidance in the working I was doing, because I wasn't just doing a divinatory reading, but actually a conjuration across the silver web of time. Below is a picture of me meditating with the forces that I'm working with:

I felt my older self lay his hands into mine and I shuffled my Alchemy deck and created a reading specific to circumstances in my life, both present circumstances, but also seeking for the person(s) who are part of a very specific magical working in my life that is yet to come, which this emptiness working and the love working has been a prelude to. Below is the cards pulled for the alchemy deck (Note you can also click the link to see the entire picture):

You can see most of the cards, though one got caught in the glare of the light. The Three in One, in the center, are present situations in my life. The two cards above and below the three card spread are current potential factors I can use that also involve what it is I'm seeking for. The card to the left is the past, and aptly reflects who I was. The cards to the right is an action to take as well as the desired reality. This not justr a reading...it is actually a specific working, a conjuration of reality, which utilizes the principles of the cards to manifest specific goals. The last time I did this type of working, was for Leisa Refalo's Podcast on Tarot and the magical working I did has come to fruition and continued to manifest since then. I mention that because I want to emphasize the dynamic nature of this working. It isn't a divination...It it a conjuration of potential that is manifested into reality. It does provide necessary information for how the conjuration will manifest, while also aligning the realities into one. It's also a kind of retroactive magic, because I'm using my future self to guide my presence in manifesting this potential into specific reality.

After I did this reading, I then spent some time working with the spider goddess of time in particular. I asked her to show me how to weave webs of potential into reality. I put my hands together as if in prayer, but as I looked at my hands, I felt the Astral fingers of each hand go through the other hand, so that I held my physical fingers in prayer, but held my astral fingers in a kind of V and used both sets of hands to weave the silver strands of time into reality. She guided my weaving and as I looked into those hands, I began to see a flickering of images that represented different potential realities. I started weaving the images into the silver webs and then cast the webs into reality. The webs of time would take the images of the possible future and meld them into reality. Below is a picture of the prayer pose I was doing. Obviously you can't see the astral fingers, but it gives you an idea of what I was doing on a physical level:

When I finished with the meditation, I thinked each deity of time and then thanked my future self. I recorded the cards and the specifics of the reading in my personal journal and then undid the temple, releasing the silver webs into reality. I'll be experimenting with this technique in more depth and there will likely be an article about it in the future, but I also wanted to show a work in progress as it were as well as how I do some of my space/time magic work. This post will likely end up in my book on identity and magic, as a lot of my research and experimentation is involving a lot of space/time work. This is a small example of that work.

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Review of A Brief Hirstory of Time by Oryelle Defenstrate-Bascule

For any chronomancer out there, this book is a must read. Not only will it put you in touch with the Spider Goddess of Time, but it also demonstrates experimental magic at its finest. Oryelle presents some very intriguing concepts and ideas about time magic. I found it hard to put this book down as I was enthralled by his ideas, as well as noticing some intriguing synchronicities in our work (which isn't surprising as this seems to be common amongst Space/Time magicians), most notably the silver strands of time. Oyrelle artfully blends poetry and art into a discourse on space/time magic which is revolutionary for what it offers, namely a non-linear perspective on time as well as methods for practicing some potent space/time magic. I'll definitely be utilizing some of this techniques and experimenting with them, because I know the process described within the book works. I've already started working with the spider goddess of time and she is a very real presence. I highly recommend this book. You will get a lot out of it and also be supporting and artist and magician in his work.

5 out of 5 silver webs of time.

Past, present, future...is any of it real?

In a previous post, Xi O'Teaz asked for more details about my perception of time, wherein I stated the present didn't exist. He noted that many would argue that only the present existed, while the past and future were illusions. Intriguingly enough quantum physics seems to support my meditative trance perspective of time, as I'll explain a bit further down in this post. The perspective that only the present exists, while the future and past are illusions is a perspective that is easy to adopt in everyday consciousness, because the experience of time is a very linear, moment to moment experience in that kind of consciousness. You experience it once and then its gone, and was it ever real? It's this kind of awareness of time which leads, I think to a lot of the short term thinking that has continually created problems for the world in general...too much focus on the immediate moment, while ignoring a more long term perspective.

In the meditative trance states I've hit, the sense of linear time fades right out. It's replaced with a feeling of timelessness, or rather a feeling of time being a very fluid gel that contains every possibility you could experience and has all the past moments available as well. The present becomes just one moment among all other moments experienced. It is neither more real or unreal than any other moment.

In The Fabric of the Cosmos by Brian Greene, he explains that time is a continuum which we experience all at once. A moment that occurred in the "past" is still present...in fact space/time contains and encompasses all the events that occur within it, which means that all of those events are occurring at the same time. Wait a minute, though...how do we have free will, choice, etc., if this is all occurring at the same time? Also how do you explain linear time then?

The answer to the first question is that all events in space/time are really possibilities. They are simultaneously real and not real. They exist and yet they don't exist. So how do we have free will, etc. This is where linear time comes in, because linear time is really about filtering all the extraneous possibilities and focusing on specific realities that are local to the person. Time becomes organized and laid out in a fashion that enables choices to be made, while limiting those choices. Linear time is also a way of keeping us sane, because experiencing all possibilties can make for a very heady experience, but also one where the variety of choices overwhelm the capacity to make a choice, unless you go in with an agenda focused on a specific set of circumstances, at which point it could be argued that you are imposing some linear time limitations on non-linear time in order to effect a choice.

So is the present real or is the past and future real? All are real, and all are possibilities. And we censor it all out to deal with set possibilities, to limit ourselves, and this makes sense on so many levels, and offers so much potential for how to change those limitations as well, provided we're willing to brave the wilds of non-linear time to do so. There are ways to do that...meditation being one, the creative flow another, and of course magic, but a lot of it really comes down to changing the awareness of what is possible vs what can become real.

A brief note

I was recently invited to be a guest at Pete Carroll's Arcanorium College by an acquaintance on Myspace. I'm checking it out and it is interesting to see what Pete Carroll is up to. The person who invited me identified me as a chaos magician. I've been given that label a number of times and my work has been described as chaos magic as well. I want to set the record straight.

I have never considered myself, nor ever will, to be a chaos magician. While I certainly draw on the techniques and concepts espoused in chaos magic, I've also drawn on a variety of other esoteric practices that continue to inform my work to this day. Nonetheless, I don't consider myself to be a ceremonial magician, a neoshamanist, a quabbalist, or any number of other labels one could foist on me.

I recognize that it's convenient to label me as one of those labels, just as I recognize it's convenient to label my work as one of those labels. After all those labels come with ready made definitions and the ability for others to identify with my practices...

BUT...

Speaking for myself and for my work, let me tell you that if I Label myself anything, it is as an experimental magician. That's my current, that's what my work could be labeled under, and it is what I identify with. If you wish to know more about what I think that entails, I direct you to my article, The Evolution of Magic.

How to use over exposure to something to banish it

Something I've found fascinating and useful within my own life is taking a habit or desire and over exposing it to what is desired, without necessarily fulfilling or indulging the desire. Obviously this takes a lot of discipline to do, because you are battling with your impules. However, this discipline not only toughens you magically and mentally, but also allows you to learn impulse control and also helps you banish the desire at times when it may not be appropriate to indulge it. Of course there are also other ways to get around a desire for something. This Sunday I bought a game for a friend that I really want to play. That friend will pay me back, and I'll get to play the game. I've addressed the desire without having to spend money for it.

And yet, at least for me, what appeals about over exposure to a desire is the simple fact that it can teach you an excellent skill in learning to deny yourself when its necessary to do so. Here's an exercise to try.

Go to a bookstore and go to the metaphysics section. Look at all the books you want. Pick them up, touch their spines, flip them open and think of how much you want to buy those books. The exposure to that desire initially will be a siren song. Put the book(s) back down and leave the store. Go back the next day, and the day after. Initially the desire to buy the books will increase, operating on the principle that if you're exposed to something seven times you are much more likely to buy it. And yet each time you will do your best to deny yourself.

If you give in and buy the book, give it to someone else, ideally someone who lives far away so you can't borrow the book, as the idea here is to promote discipline in denying your desire so that you can banish it.

Continue going in each day or every couple of days and exposing yourself to that desire. After a while the desire to buy the book will start to diminish because you will have conditioned yourself to not give into your desire. Eventually you'll be able to look at the book without feeling desire to buy it. It will just be another meaningless object, and so you will have banished your desire, while strengthening your discipline in being able to say no to your impulses. This can then be reapplied to any magical work you do, and you will have confidence in your skill at being able to focus on what you need to accomplish without being distracted by a fleeting fancy.

The ability to deny your desire is the strength to also enjoy it when you can indulge yourself. Over stimulation leads to desensitization, but desire can still be felt and turned back on as it were when the time is right. What this exercise shows you however is how to take desire and turn it into a tool that allows you to banish it by overexposure.

Emptiness and Time

Since I've started reading Oryelle's A Brief Hirstory of Time, and also because of a conversation with a fellow practitioner, I've been thinking a lot about time's role within emptiness. It strikes me that time has a very prevalent role, both in emptiness itself, and in what comes after emptiness. Within emptiness time is representative of all the possibilities that could exist. Time isn't static in emptiness, though it may seem like it would be. Rather everything is occurring all at once. Time is non-linear, indistinguishable from reality. Time occurs, but isn't defined into measurements or increments.

When emptiness changes, when possibility becomes reality, time can be linear or cyclical, depending on how one perceives the event occurring. Oryelle says time becomes emit, or time is emitted and that works as well for our purposes. Time is emitted from emptiness when possibility manifests into reality.

It's interesting to realize that emptiness is not a vaccuum...there is existence even within emptiness. It's fluid, constantly changing, almost entrophic and the only thing which makes it non-entrophic is that a choice can be made and when the choice is made, progression occurs, something comes out of nothing, 1 originates out of 0.

If you think about it making a choice is when time begins. Or at least a version of time related to that choice...or not because there's everything leading up to choice, at which it might be cyclical instead of linear.

So it seems like the element of emptiness is also the element of time. It makes sense to me. I'm actually developing a new meditation technique, using time and the element of emptiness, but I'll discuss that at a later date.

One week in

One week in to the Elemental Emptiness ritual working and I can already feel some definite differences. A lot of my insecurities have come forward a lot more. Some of it is just the nature of dealing with the emptiness and some of it is a personal situation I'm adjusting to. Regardless, these feelings have surfaced and I'm working on how they make me feel feel, because it's not just feeling the emotion, it's also feeling the hollowness these emotions provide. I've noticed that my enjoyment of different things has decreased a bit, while at the same time, the physical stimuli of light in particular stands out much more than before. What does the latter have to do with emptiness? I have no clue, not yet.

On Tuesday, when I hiked, I almost feel at one point. If I had fallen, I'd have likely tumbled down a cliff and hit a rocky area. I caught myself in time, but it was a reminder of my mortality. And on Friday I got into a car accident. Nothing too severe, no physical pain...but the spectre of emotional pain, the reminder of a car accident that was much worse again brought up that reminder of my mortality. Since emptiness or void is about nothingness, the reminder of mortality is a reminder of emptiness as well, in its own way.

For me, a lot of this vulnerability...it is liked being soaked with rain, trying to find even a hint of dryness and knowing you can't...you shudder, you try to bundle in, but the wet is there...that's how my vulnerability feels in the face of starting work with this element.

Future me

So there's a site called Futureme.org where you can send an email to yourself in the future. I've been using it for the last couple years to occasionally emails to myself and predict or set the intent for what I want to manifest. The result's have been fairly accurate and this doesn't surprise me because I'm essentially telling myself what I plan to manifest. I keep the emails short and to the point. At most four sentences. I think if you can't conscisely state what you want, you probably don't know what you want. I don't know if I consider this a space/time magic experiment or not...I suppose it could be and it will be going into the book as an example of some of my work with my future selves. It's worth trying out anyway...

Tarot Reading Experiments

If you've read Space/Time Magic, you know that my stance on divination is that it's best not to do it to determine what might happen in the future if you do a certain act. However, I also think reading Tarot can be much more subtle, particularly when it's focused on analyzing a current situation as opposed to trying to determine a potential future. When I do tarot readings for people, I ask those people to create their own spread. My reason for doing that is simple: I think pre-defined spreads limit the possibility of interpretation and may end up creating inaccurate readings. I prefer it when my clients create their own personalized spreads. A spread is a pattern, a way of interacting with the world, and a personalized spread is more effective because it shows the client's thinking process and also helps the client understand the reading.

Another way I experiment with tarot readings is to make sure the client doesn't tell me about the question or situation. I prefer to not know because it forces me to really rely on my intuition and also is a good gauge for determining how accurate the reading is. If I don't know the question or situation, I can't read that into my interpretation...it ends up being more unbiased and consequently is more powerful and accurate...Not knowing frees the intuitive side and allows access to the super consciousness.

Over the weekend I found that my readings were very accurate. Each time my clients were amazed at how applicable the cards and interpretations were, even though I didn't know much beyond the name of the person. The real test for someone who utilizes tarot cards or other divinatory devices is a test of not knowing and relying on intuition to guide you.

Elemental Love Work month 12

I wrote this poem on Thursday, in my live journal. I'm reposting it here, because it depicts part of the conclusion to the elemental Love work. The connection is what we want silver strands that glisten by the star light, whispering promises from the vibrations of the space/time wind The core opens to reveal the secret heart of the universe a path lit up by red lines of force the flames of the fox fire beckoning, and luring on those eager hunters of desire

Hourglass eyes witness the illusion of time, The spiderweb, wet with dew, promises a non linear story Truth, truth, truth...

Whirling fan over the light, a very tired person looks up spreads his arms, and journeys into the iridescent glow of promise. I see all possibilities in the quantum sea everything could, is, was, will do, but will any of it become?

I am also Empty...Reach in and pull the last out Everything is stripped away...she took me on she gave me surfeit her hand gentle on my cheek, while the other rips everything out.

Your illusions are gone, now what?

Now what indeed. It's month 12...The end of the year long elemental love work...The end of my working with Babalon, the sacred whore, the scarlet woman, she who takes on all, but demands the sacrifice of your illusions. Babalon has thoroughly fucked me this last year. At times she had been a gentle lover, at other times a demanding bitch. One hand has caressed me as a lover, while the other has ripped my heart out. And through it all, her scarlet eyes have looked into mine, holding me steady, urging me on, demanding the best from me.

I wouldn't recommend the element of love to just anyone. I think this year's work has been by far the most intense and demanding of all my magical workings. You have to be ready to sacrifice it all on the altar of love to experience the truths you will inevitably find about yourself, and if you get anything back, count yourself blessed, and recognize you also earned it.

This last month has been one of nostalgia, regret, and healing. I remember a year ago, I remember how desperate I was, how much I knew I needed to change, my patterns of love had grown very toxic indeed. I was a toxic bloom, everything on the surface, ready to be popped. I remember meeting a priestess of Babalon, and a relationship that didn't work out and being told, "This elemental love work has left bruises on my heart, your wife's heart, and your heart. Will it be worth it?" I remember bad communication on my part, an unwillingness to really be open or intimate and my journey throughout this year to learn how to do that, how to really open up, how to be vulnerable, how to be honest despite the fear. Honesty with others, but most importantly honesty with myself about my desires, my fears, and what has motivated so many of  my choices.

I remember other situations, other people, all the lies I told to myself, ripped away. And I remember a couple nights with Lupa, where I really opened up, where I told her things I had not told her or anyone else. I remember being honest with her in a way I have never been with anyone, and despite my fears, despite the ingrained responses and reactions that said to just hold it all in, to protect myself by never saying a thing...I spoke...I told her, I laid myself out and let her see the real me. And she accepted me...she showed me LOVE, even as Babalon has Shown me LOVE.

A couple weeks ago, I felt the weight of these regrets...My mind wandered through the past year, through the lessons earned, the people touched, the bruises left, especially the bruise in myself. And I felt Babalon stir beside me. She gave me a gentle look and parted the folds of my flesh, to the heart underneath, and instead of seizing it in her hand as she often has, she gently touched it, touched the bruise of my regrets, and she said,

"It's time to let this go. You've learned what you needed to from this. Let it go, so you can move on and let other people into your life and into your love when you're ready. You've learned the lessons I needed to teach you and I will always be here to remind you of them, and also support you as you continue your journey."

And she took those regrets away...the physical pain I felt in the hollow of my chest left me.

This last Monday, I was talking with Wes Unruh about language, magic, semiotics, and we got around to talking about Babalon and male magicians. He said that he didn't think a male magician came into his full power until he'd had an encounter with Babalon. He told me of his own experiences and mentioned that for about a year after his working with Babalon ended he had focused on the element of emptiness and on rebuilding himself...and I found great comfort in this, because it's another confirmation I made the right choices, and I'm on the right path.

I was asked earlier this year, if this elemental love work would be worth the bruises, and the pain. And my answer is yes. It is worth all the pain caused, all the pain felt. It is worth the pain I caused as well as the pain I felt. It's not that I wanted to cause that pain. It's not that I felt a secret delight. No...That pain is part of the process of life, of how you learn. I made mistakes, I came face to face with the reality of the effects of those mistakes. The regret I felt for the pain I caused was something that's haunted me for this last half year. And yet, that pain, for me, for them has the potential for growth. It's what we choose to make it...and so Babalon showed me I could let go, move on, heal...

Last year, I said to Lupa, I said to others, "All of the relationships I'm in now will be changed if I do this working." And everything changed for those relationships. Every single relationship I was involved in on a romantic level is now gone, accept the relationship with my wife, which has ended up stronger than ever before because we worked through our problems with each other and came to a deeper, more intimate relationship than any I've ever had, except for one. It's taken a lot of work and honesty on our parts, but here we stand together, stronger than ever...

And that one relationship which is deeper and more intimate...that's the relationship I have with myself. This year has forced me to know myself as I never did before, and this next year will take me even further, but I'm ready for that plunge. Babalon has shown me not just the truth of LOVE, but also that of Strength. The strength to forgive, the strength to let go, the strength to love, and the strength to learn. She showed me my strength, even as she took away all the delusions I'd told myself.

Babalon told me it would get harder before it got easier, and she was right. It got really hard somedays to wake up and face the reality of my motivations, my desires, my love or lack thereof. In April, when I walked around, desperately unhappy, desperate to fill something in me and instead walked home and told Lupa about my emptiness, about how empty I sometimes feel, that's when I started to really learn from this year's elemental working...that's when I came face to face with the underlying motivation for so much of my unhealthy behaviors. That's when I realized just how much my feeling of emptiness had so often motivated my choices to try and find something to fill it, instead of choosing to feel it. And now that I know that feeling...now I'm ready to accept it, to move into it and everything it has to teach me.

On Friday, I had some of my hair cut. Babalon spoke to me in a moment of shared love and lust, in a moment of ritual, a finishing touch. That night, Lupa massaged me, talked with me, reconnected with me about our love, about what we find so important and she cut my hair, part of my payment to Babalon. Below is a poem I wrote about Friday:

"You've still got to pay up the last bit for this year of companionship I gave you" She told me.

Her long black hair framed her face, cascading down her frame, hiding her body, leaving only the oval of her face her red eyes staring into mine a doorway into the abyss an invitation into Emptiness

As we fucked with wild abandon her hands touched my long hair and she said,

"Perhaps some of this... Cut some of it for me and also for the next element Cut it as an offering when you pass through the gateway within me and within you The gateway to the heart of the universe"

As we came to crescendo, She and I, My goddess of desire, her beast to ride, I felt myself swallowed into her. She whispered,

"Conjunctio, The joining of forces Your principle joined to mine, In combination we create the alchemical wedding Your sacrifice opens the gate that your seed might be consumed and you reborn in my dark womb of Emptiness Your potential realized in the joining of everything and nothing."

Later my body massaged with hands of gentle love and care, my hair brushed out, the scissors snap some is taken away "Taking a little, so a lot can grow back, so you can realize your potential" Caressed, loved, forgiven, your hands know my body I fall into the light of the quantum sea out of reality, into everything

Everything I am falling back to potential, In her hands I lay, in her womb I will be sacrificed The gateway is open, Conjunctio achieved Emptiness beckons It's a promise of potential I'll take.

"Your last price is paid, Your coin is accepted the gate is open, fly free my love fly free

When you come back reborn anew, you will really know me and my name.

And I whisper,

"Babalon, Great goddess, Sacred whore, scarlet woman, take me, take me, take my sacrifice and show me the door to conjunctio, show me the door to emptiness zero and one, everything and none, where potential awaits to sculpt, to show, to provide the pathway to the heart of the universe to the silver webs of time, and the purple halls of space"

And she rips away from me the last shred of illusion Her hand caresses my cheek one last time, her tears touch my face, She kisses my lips one last time, to steal my last breath Great Babalon has destroyed me.

And now... I'm free to arise. Elemental Emptiness show me the way, through the door

I am here, I am there I am everywhere, everywhen, all things and none, a whisper on the wind, the caress of a hand on your chin all realities within my eyes, I am reborn into emptiness... I am reborn to realize my potential.

Today, Saturday, I finished the Love working. I went upstairs, with the painting of the seal of Babalon, The beast dagger, the candle with her visage gracing it. I lit the sacred candle in my temple. I dedicated two posters of the mythos of Babalon as told by Oryelle Defenestate-Bascule to Her. I burned a bit of my cut off hair in the flame of the candle. I cut her seal into my flesh, her name into my skin with the tip of the dagger, tracing so delicately upon my skin the imprint of this goddess...

I sang her praise, I thanked her for her gifts, and then I asked her to take me through the portal to emptiness. I fucked her one last time, giving her my seed and then I was taken in hand by the entity who represents emptiness...But that story will not be told until Tuesday, when the dedication ritual is finished.

Farewell Babalon, sacred Goddess and sacred whore, my lover and destroyer.

The lyric below is from the song Here's to You by Lisbeth Scott. I removed a couple words, that aren't relevant to me, to this year's working...but the lyrics of this song, the song itself is a fitting end to the love working and the beginning of the work on the element of Emptiness:

Here's to you... Rest forever and ever... The last and final moment is yours. Agony's your triumph.

Here's to you, Rest forever here in our hearts. The last and final moment is yours. Agony's your triumph.

A bit of political pop culture magic

I'm not really a big fan of politics, but occasionally they can be useful. Tonight I was doing some public speaking and I decided to draw on a bit of the political energy currently pervading the U.S., carefully. I thought about characteristics that people rave about in regards to both of the candidates...One is calm and collected, the other is more emotional. Without drawing on the negative attributes, I focused on the positive attributes: I wanted to be grounded, but also have passion for what I spoke about. So I visualized those particualr resonances being incorporated into my speaking from each candidate. Basically I focused on the speaking profile each candidate had, but didn't focus on the political issues. Talk went off really well, with several people interested in following up with me.

A philosophy about people and magic

One of my philosophies when it comes to interactions with people and interactions with magic is fairly similar and based on understanding that the less complicated a situation is, the easier it is to navigate the situation. This isn't to say that magic and people aren't complicated. They can both be very complicated, but a situation, a context doesn't have to be complicated and ideally if you remove what you can that could be complicating in a situation, it consequently sets a person at ease, or in the case of magic, makes it much easier to manifest. I realized sometime ago that the best approach with people is to simply put all your cards on the table and show your hand. No subtlety, no hidden agenda...just lay it all out and let the other person do the interpretation as s/he wishes. Every time I approached a situation where I didn't do this, where I didn't just lay my cards out, it always complicated matters, because even though I might have no hidden agenda, the fact that everything wasn't on the table aroused suspicion and played out the worst fears the people might have.

By choosing to play my hand, show all the cards, be transparent, it simplified the situation. On the one hand it could be argued that the other people had control of the situation by simply knowing everything I had in my hand...and yet in that openness I find comfort...I am so comfortable because everything can be seen...sure it can be interpreted and likely will be interpreted through the biases and filters people have, yet nonetheless, in that openness lies freedom...It becomes an accepted reality, and whether anything is done with that reality or not, the situation is less complicated. The person or people know what's going on and it's up to them to make a choice...and whatever response is made by those people I already know what my conscious choice will be to that response. It both opens up and limits the field of possibilities. It opens up the field of possibilities in terms of displaying the entire spectrum of choices that could be made, but it limits the field because those choices are made in response to my choice to be open. I consider this a kind of time magic, and in fact using this example above you can apply it to the practice of magic.

While magic isn't always complicated, in those situations where it could be complicated, either by working with other people or with other entities, it's again best to be transparent...The consequent acts of magic, on your part, don't contain latent possibilities which could trip up the working. you can also use this philosophy in regards to doing solo workings. By being open with yourself, you admit where there could be flaws, subconscious issues, sabotage instincts or memories. You give them expression through being open and also take away the power they would have if they were latent possibilities...You limit your own response to yourself so that you can ironically be free to make a choice in the possibilities presented to you. The process of magic becomes much simpler once this is done.

In other news, Reality Sandwich published my article on Identity and Magic

Several experiments in linguistic magic

Since starting to read Magic Power Language Symbol by Patrick Dunn, I've decided to try out a couple of his techniques, particularly the Semiotic Web and the Defixio technique, albeit with my own variations. The semiotic web technique is actually similar to my space/time sigil web technique. The essential difference is that you create two webs. One web is filled with the negative feelings, thoughts etc you might have about a situation. The other web is filled with conscious answers to those negative thoughts and feelings. I decided to try this technique out in regards to some negative thoughts and feelings that I was dealing within regards to my current job search. I wrote job hunt at the center of the web and then wrote all the negatives out. I then wrote job hunt again and all the conscious realizations I had about those negatives. I then took the two webs upstairs and called the Dehara into a circle and did a ritual to Agave the Dehar of banishment (and to me, also creativity, cause he's a dehar of fire and I associate fire with creativity). I took the negative web and burned it, and ended up having to slap some of the fire out, which put me into an altered state of mind quickly. I then meditated on the positive web, picturing it in my mind and integrating it into my altered consciousness. When that was done I thanked Agave by taking the ashes outside and offering them to him. I'm already noticed a more positive frame of mind about all my activities. I liked this technique. I plan on seeing how I can expand and improve on it...already have a couple ideas in mind for how this technique could be adapted for some space/time workings.

The Defixio technique involves writing out a statement of purpose and then offering it to the gods. I decided to try this, but offer it to the goddess Portlandia. I wrote my statement out and then put in the recycling bin, because Portlandia cares about recycling, and also because I want the message to become part of the natural cycle. I don't know how often I would use this technique, but it also could have some creative applications depending on which deity you worked with and how said deity wants you to deposit the defixio.

In thinking about these exercises, something which stands out to me is that there is a lot of room for creative touches, and we also have to remember to be creative. This is true for any technique or process...and by creative I really mean making a technique or process into you own process...into something that is personalized and works for you because it has an efficacy designed in the personalization of the technique. Personalization, to me, is a process of experimentation, and also a process of improvement. How do I make this process fit into my practice? How can I improve on it so it's even more effective for me. Granted, there's some techniques, which seem to be done just as is, but with writing you can be creative and that's why language is such an important tool of magic...it's open-ended and writ large with possibilities.