spirits, Magic
Taylor Ellwood
The relationship between sacred kingship and ...

One of the books I’m reading lately is King, Warrior, Magician, Lover by Robert Moore and Doug Gillette. It’s a fascinating book that explores the archetypes of the mature and sacred masculine. This is currently part of the spiritual work that I’m engaged in as I explore my own relationship with masculinity and heal the ancestoral and contemporary wounds that I’m becoming aware of as it relates to how masculinity is treated and perceived in modern times.

One of the aspects I’m exploring in particular is related to sacred kingship and the land. I am in the process of exploring the new city and surrounding areas that I live in. While I’ve lived here for a year, I didn’t have much opportunity until recently to really begin exploring the area and developing a relationship with the land. I find it fitting and useful that part of the process has also involved cultivating a relationship with the land, particularly on the basis of the relationship has with their home and how that relationship plays out in sacromagical work one does in connecting with the land.

connection and truth

Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 11

8-22-2021 Last night I switched over to the Neptune current and worked with Ratziel, the archangel of the book and key. I did the ritual under the full moon, which is conjunct with Saturn and Jupiter. It felt appropriate because I had wrapped up the work with Saturn. What was nice is that I got to do the Sphere of Art in Eugene finally. I felt like doing that work, down here, really sealed me to this new space I am living in. I feel this deep sense of contentedness and peace, something I haven’t felt in a while, if ever. It surprises me to feel it, but I know I’m home. I know this is where I belong, at least for the forseeable future.

Today I’m continuing to unpack my home. It feels off to finally be putting art up that I haven’t seen in a year, and to be unpacking books, but mostly it makes me happy to be in an environment where I feel wanted and welcomed, even if its just by myself. I finally have a space of my own, and I didn’t realize how much I needed it. I feel welcomed in other ways as well and this has helped me feel at peace with my move, because I know I belong here.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 8

5-22-2021 I posted a cartoon on Facebook that essentially had this person find this oracle, which told him that some of his problems were of his own causing and I wrote that the one thing all your problems have in common is you. My friend Colleen pointed something out that I felt was rather appropriate since I’m working with martian energy this month. She pointed out that all your problems having you in common is actually a form of abusive self-dialogue because sometimes other people are the cause of your problems and you aren’t the reason the problem is happening. Her response really got me thinking about how far too often I’ve blamed myself for problems that have happened and taken too much responsibility on when perhaps it really was someone else’s responsibility. It’s definitely something I am going to work with further this month.

I did some more of the wood element workshop. The main focus was on working with the ligaments and it was quite intense work. Naturally some internal stuff came up and I worked through it, releasing grief with each release of the ligaments. It did make me reflect on some realizations I’ve been having around my life and the way people have shown up in the past. Afterwards I meditated with the alchemical substances for Mars and Geburah and worked on releasing judgment of myself and others. Working with Geburah in that way is interesting, because typical it is a rather severe energy to work with, yet, I think sometimes people ignore the more subtle ways to work with a given Sephiroth. In this case, learning how to release judgments of yourself and other can be just as relevant as any other work you might do in that sephiroth.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 7

4-22-2021 Today I moved into working with the alchemical aspects of the sun. I feel it’s appropriate because I’m at the dawn of my new life, with the sun beginning to show me the way forward. I don’t know how I’ll get where I’m going yet, but I see some possible ways forward. And I am focused on my connection and truth to lead the way forward.

4-25-2021 The last few days I’ve been doing a lot of door dash, but I’ve also had the opportunity to talk with a friend of mine, S. V.. We ended up talking for a few hours but our respective life changes and other such things and it was good to have such a discussion and also discuss possibilities. Today I took the day off from driving so I could work on some projects, but most importantly I made time to read and paint, and go for a walk. The relaxation is as important as the work, it fuels the work and makes for better manifestation.

I feel a sense of calm and peace pervading my being. Some of that has come from a session with Ingo Komenda, and some of it is my own continual internal work. I haven’t felt this free to just be in quite some time, and it makes me reflect and recognize that as sad as recent changes have been, I think they have been necessary changes. I move forward into the unknown, with anticipation and excitement for what possibilities I’ll discover, what experiences may be had, and enjoy the journey, letting the light of the Sun guide me.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 6

3-23-2021 I switched over to working with the alchemical energies of Venus and I’m really glad I have because it is proving to be healing and helpful one day in. I think its interesting that on the Tree of Life, Venus comes after Mercury, emotion coming after thought. Thought allows us to dissect an experience and rationalize it, but the emotions are where we feel and embody what we go through. If you’re going up the tree the emotions come after, but if you’re going down the tree they come before and in either case it seems appropriate to recognize how one leads to the other and how they can temper each other, if worked with in the right way.

I got an order of books in today, including the Daily Stoic and I think I will read an entry a day out of this book and do so for the rest of my life. Today’s entry asks us to look at our greed and vices and reflect on how they may be causing lapses of judgment, as well as asking how we might regulate that greed and those vices. It’s this kind of tempering which is so important, and so often underutilized. Certainly I have sometimes allowed me weaknesses to get the better of me and the result has never been worth it.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 5

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2-23-2021 I switched over to the alchemical substances for mercury yesterday, which in relationship to connection and truth is all about communication. In the meditation work I’ve been doing lately, I’ve been focused on recognizing contractions, where a block forms because of one’s internal defenses. I think of it as a form of compartmentalization, because this sense of contraction seems brought on by a need to try and dissociate with an experience. Or maybe that’s just my experience with it.

I’ve also been continuing to read The Body keeps the Score which essentially discusses how the body internalized traumatic experiences. Reading the book has helped me more readily recognize my own trauma from past experiences, but also consider how trauma is created and what role you can play in the trauma another person has experienced because of your actions.

Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 4

1-22-2021 I switched over to working with the alchemical substances for the moon. I’ve also figured out how to integrate Bua Gua into this work as well as some work with elemental spirits. I’m feeling rather excited at the possibilities of what could be done with this work and the evolution of my work with the sphere of art as well. I also ended up doing some dream work, which was appropriate with working with the moon. That dream work helped me have a pivotal realization around my own sense of worth and how I’ve let that be compromised sometimes. That realization will help me make better choices with how I take care of myself and with the people I allow into my life on a personal level.

1-25-2021 In the Happiness Trap the author makes an important point: We aren’t good or bad people and the arbitrary value judgments we place on ourselves creates a tension within ourselves when we feel a need to label ourselves as good or bad. This got me thinking about how I’ve labeled myself in the past, and how those labels have shaped my identity in ways that have ultimately been more harmful than helpful. So I’m giving myself space NOT to label myself as good or bad, but simply to be and to allow myself to let go of those values judgments of my identity and instead recognize that I’m simply a person who has made choices, and instead of even defining those choices as good or bad, I’ve simply acknowledged that those choices have had consequences and impacts that should be noted and considered carefully. It’ a different way of looking at things, but its helpful.

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Elemental Balancing Ritual Connection and Truth Month 2

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11-23-2020 One of the skills I’m practicing now, from The Happiness Trap is recognized when I’m hooked on a story I’m telling myself. By recognizing that I’m caught in the story, I can then step back and unhook myself from it and refocus on what really matters. It’s proving helpful in terms of recognizing the internal stories I tell myself and diffusing them. It’s also helping me be more productive again, because I’m not letting those stories dictate my day and take over my energy.

11-25-2020 One of the realizations I’m continuing to work through is the realization around expectations that I impose on myself as well as the ones imposed on me in the fast. I tend to push myself very hard, because that was always the expectation put on me. Over the last few months I’ve been trying to work less and relax more. Today I talked with Kat about some of my fears around the expectations I’ve put on myself and it really helped to unpack those further and acknowledge those are really just stories I’m telling myself that don’t serve me. I can be more productive by actually doing less.