How to start listening to your soul

Photo by cottonbro studio from Pexels

When I look back at my life what I see is someone who has not been successful in the conventional sense of the word. I have not stuck with a career for an extended period of time nor have I struck it rich with a business or even multiple businesses. I've had some successes in writing books and I've accomplished some activities I've set myself to do, but I've also spent a lot of time wandering, trying to find my purpose.

Is my purpose just to write books on magic and the occult? I think that's one part of it along with other writings I've done or want to do but I've realized for a while that there's something else calling to me as well. I haven't always known what it was and sometimes like I've gone in multiple directions exploring different interests and coming away with richer experiences and more insights.

I know I'm also not alone in this journey. I've been reading a book called Soulsshaping by Jeff Brown (affiliate link) which has described his own journey toward discovering his purpose. Reading Choose Yourself by James Altucher (affiliate link) has provided a similar perspective. Reading both books and some others has helped me recognize how much societal, cultural, and familial pressure often has us buying into ideas of success that aren't always accurate or realistic and may not apply. Certainly they haven't applied to me.

How to identify themes and use them

I discuss how to identify themes that are occurring in your life and then apply them proactively to enhance the experience you are having as well as open doors in your life for whatever is next. I also share why its important to notice these themes and work with them instead of resisting them.

How to Rewrite and Re-wire memories

Recently I went to a restaurant and took myself on a dinner date. I don't normally eat out alone, but I wanted to re-write and re-wire a memory and I've found that sometimes the best way to do that is to revisit a site and make a new memory that overwrites the old memory.

But what if we can't do that? What if we're too far away or if the memory is simply too triggering?

We may still want to change the memory, but we may need to take a magical approach to doing that work that liberates us from the trauma and tyranny of the past, while also enabling us to transform our present and presence.

Saturn as Liberator

When most people think of Saturn from an astrological perspective, they treat Saturn as a malefic force, in part of because the classic mythology associated with Saturn and in part because of Saturn being treated as a limiting and binding force.

And while it is true that Saturn represents boundaries and limitations and also embodies fear and what happens when we react from fear, I've also discovered that Saturn can be a liberating force, if worked with properly.

Saturn as a planetary influence invites us to examine our relationship with our own limits and boundaries as well as our relationship with fear.

Scrying for changing behavior

Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2023

Sometimes the reason you want to scry is because you want to change a specific behavior. 

For example, you become aware of a behavior you do that sabotages your interactions with other people. You aren't sure how to change it. 

Scrying may be just the right tool you could use for the purpose of behavior alteration. 

Why?

The act of scrying opens us to the experience of using fascination to draw us into the underlying narrative that informs the behavior and it provides us a ways of changing that behavior, because we use scrying to change the narrative. 

The key though is to create the experience of fascination via the scrying tools you are working with. And there's a hidden component to this as well.

Scrying for spirit Communication

Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2023

One of the ways I like to work with scrying is with spirit communication.

I already have a strong connection to spirits, having always had a natural proclivity toward communicating with them, but what I'm finding with scrying is that this proclivity is further enhanced when working with the right tools.

In my case, the right tools are a combination of candles and black mirror, along with sometimes using additional tools including a pendulum, Tarot, or cowrie shells for divinatory purposes.

I'll also work with specific spirits around specific themes or areas of interest. In the picture above I have a sigil for the goetic spirit Camio that I'm working with for the purposes of enhancing my skills with candle magic and scrying through flame work.

How to create and activate collage sigils

For new years I decided to revive an old art magical practice that I haven't done for a few years. I decided to create a collage sigil.

First I needed to decide on the theme. I chose the theme of YES, specifically saying yes to myself.

The theme is what ties a given collage together. It informs what images you use, what words you'll be drawn to, and what it is that you're ultimately calling into your life.

It's not all that different from any other themed work I've done in my life, and what I find with themed magical work in general is that the theme WILL show up in your life, but often in ways you don't expect. This is because when you utilize magic to call a theme into your life, you are calling in that theme but in a way that is needed.

My Experiments with Scrying

Last year I took a class on Scrying taught by Harper Feist. It was a fascinating course that explored the sensory aspects of scrying in relationship to our senses.

Not just the five senses of sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, but also kinisthetic, thermal, and other more subtle senses all of us have access to, including of course the "psychic senses."

Since taking that course, I've been continuing to experiment with scrying and have made it a regular part of my practice.

Even before I took the class I had done some scrying with bowls of water and with a crystal globe, but after taking the class I added a couple of tools to my scrying practice. 

I bought a black scrying mirror and I started adding candles to the mix in order to create a source of light. 

Musings on Sacred Phallos

I discuss ongoing work I’m doing around sacred masculinity, specifically around sacred sexuality and the experience of phallos as a sacred sexual source. I also explore the connection between Saturn, Eros and Phallos.

Cracking the Code to Lucid Dreaming

Picture copyright Taylor Ellwood 2023

Lucid dreaming is one of those seemingly elusive skills that can really open up the doors of expansion for a practitioner once you learn how to do lucid dreaming.

I've been using lucid dreaming as part of my spiritual path for most of my life...

In this post I'm going to share a few activities I've done to help me cultivate lucid dreaming. 

Lessons I learned in 2022

I reflect on the lessons I learned in 2022 and share my vision for what I plan to manifest in 2023. I also discuss the false intimacy of social media and share why I’m making some changes in what I share on here and on social media in general.

How to cultivate silence in your life and spiritual practice

I'm laying in bed, the light is turned off and I'm staring up at the ceiling, taking in the darkness and listening to the silence.

My day starts this way and ends this way.

I didn't always appreciate the need for silence, the need to hold space with it, and allow it to take me into the mysteries of stillness while also allowing my thoughts to drift until all that is left is emptiness, but I'm appreciating this practice more and more because it allows me to begin and end my at peace, letting go of any attachments, emotions and events that might otherwise disturb the harmony of the moment.

How to get unstuck in your life

Photo by Andrea Piacquadio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/sad-isolated-young-woman-looking-away-through-fence-with-hope-3808803/

There is nothing worse than feeling stuck in life.

You're going through your daily life and everything seems to be going swimmingly, but at your core you feel something...off. A deep feeling of dissatisfaction, a sense of feeling stuck somewhere in your life. Maybe it's with your job, maybe its with your relationship, maybe it's something else altogether.

At the core of that feeling of stuckness is an experience of anxiety that we often try to bury deep within ourselves. That feeling of anxiety could come from a desire for approval or a fear of abandonment or something else altogether, but it keeps us trapped in a cage of our own making.

How standing can transform your spiritual practice

Photo by Debbie Pan: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-standing-near-rock-in-front-of-lake-1365211/

I recently decided to reboot my qi gong practice.

I’ve been practicing qi gong for a few years now and what I have encountered is the inevitable experience where you do something long enough that you start taking what you do for granted, because you know it.

Challenge what you know by discovering what you can learn.

In the midst of all the other moments of truth I’ve been having lately, something which really rang true for me is that I need to start my qi gong practice over again. I decided to do this in two different ways.

One way involves attending a live qi gong class in Eugene and learning it with a group of people. By putting myself in a group of people I don’t know and learning what they’re learning I’m removing myself from what I know and opening myself to discovering what I can learn. And I’m making some friends too.

The other way involves starting the practice of what I know from the beginning, bringing myself back to the basics. And that brings us to this topic, where what I’m doing is standing for a half hour to an hour and just focusing on the sensation of standing, adjusting the alignment of my body and connecting with the qi (internal energy) as well as with the environment around me. It seems real simple, but its also quite profound.

The act of standing is something I think most people take for granted. I certainly have. I stand and if I’m standing I’m usually scrolling through my phone, looking at the latest distraction, when I could be taking in the environment around me and connecting with the deep wells of being within me.

The benefit of standing, with qi gong, is that it lets you feel the areas of tension and start working through them. When I stand, I’ll stand with my knees slightly bent, my pelvis gently seating itself to support the rest of my body. I rock forward from my heels to the bubbling well, where the foot connects with the toes, and then rock back to my heels, loosening up the stress by cycling the qi back and forth from the top of my head to the bottom of my feet, and from the stellar energy of the cosmos to the underworld current of the earth.

When I stand with presence I let go of the everyday tension and discover the depths of the numinous by taking in everything around me and being with it. And all I’m doing is standing.

Well there’s a bit more to it than that.

When I stand I wrap the muscles of my body, grounding myself into the sensation of standing while also stabilizing myself so I can really connect with the world and everything that might come up. I let my thoughts go and become aware, simply being with whatever is there, sinking my qi into the earth and if I do it long enough, I may even start dissolving blockages, turning the icy blockages of shame and guilt and other toxic experiences into water and then space, letting them drift away, relaxing and releasing and in the process going even deeper to the hidden well of my being from which my inner genius makes itself known.

I stand and be…

Everything else can sort itself out.

Books Reviews October 2022 to December 2022

Book Review: Venus and Aphrodite: History of a Goddess by Bettany Hughes (Affiliate link)

This is a fascinating history and biography of Aphrodite that traces her roots back to prehistoric times and shows how the goddess morphed from Inanna/Ishtar in the East to Aphrodite/Venus. I’d consider this book an essential read if you want to learn more about the mysteries of Aphrodite and develop a closer relationship with the goddess.

Book Review: The Way of Men by Jack Donovan (affiliate link)

This is an interesting book that argues for an approach to masculinity that is focused around the concept of men being in a gang. I didn’t agree with all of the author’s perspectives, but my main take away was the recognition that men do need to bond with each other and men have been taught not to do that as much in the modern era. It’s a thought provoking read about what masculinity is and what it could be.

Book Review: No More Mr. Nice Guy by Robert Glover (Affiliate link)

This is a must read book for both men and women. While the book addresses behaviors of so-called nice guys, a lot of the behaviors cross over and show up with anyone who has co-dependency issues. What this book helps a recovering nice guy do is recognize their own value and needs and actually learn how to advocate for them, instead of continuing to give away their sense of power and identity. This is an excellent, must read book that can help anyone who needs to learn how to stop being a nice guy, so they can actually become a person who loves themselves and others in the best possible way.

Book Review: Hearticulations by Jeff Brown (affiliate link)

This is a must read book that provides some deep insights into the nature of the heart, relationships, healing from trauma and so much more. Reading this book helped me on my path to self love and provided me with insights to help me heal and work through some of my deeper baggage. This is a book that anyone would benefit from.

Book Review: Awareness by Anthony De Mello (affiliate link)

This is an eye-opening book that can help you understand how to cultivate genuine awareness in your life and show you how your attachments are getting in the way of that awareness. Reading this book and applying its practices along with my self-love practice has made a significant impact in my life and changed the way I approach and think about situations, love, people, and most importantly myself.

Book Review: Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it by Kamal Ravikant (Affiliate link)

This book has been a life changer for me. It’s helped me find a way to self-validate through self-love and also release a lot attachments to outcomes and expectations. The practice is simple to apply, but sticking with it is key. It has changed my life in a month for the better and is something I’ll stick with for the rest of my life.

Book Review: A Lantern in the Dark by Danielle Blackwood (Affiliate link)

When you are going through life’s transitions it can be helpful to have a guide that provides illumination for the path forward, and to help you look back. This book is one such guide and it is an essential one. I wish I had read it in my early 40’s, but even reading it now, I find that it has given me some valuable insights and perspectives on the experiences in my life and it is helping me work with the necessary spiritual forces as I make plans for the rest of my life. I highly recommend this book to anyone as it will provide very helpful information on the crossroads of your life.

Book Review: The Way to Love by Anthony De Mello (Affiliate link)

Another fascinating book by De Mello which explores the nature of love and attachment and how each is different from the other. This was thought-provoking and challenging but gave me a lot to consider. I highly recommend it as a book to read that can change your relationship with love.

Book Review: King, Magician, Warrior, Lover By Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette (affiliate link)

This is a fascinating book that looks at the archetypes of masculinity, both in terms of the immature and mature masculine using the roles of the King, Warrior, Magician, and Lover as the archetypes. Reading this book helped me reflect on these roles in my own life and how I have sometimes embodied the immature masculine as well as the mature masculine. It’s given me ideas on how I can ground into the mature masculine more using the appropriate roles, while also being aware of the shadow aspects and how to work with them better.

Book Review: Wisdom of Love by Laurelei Black (Affiliate link)

The author presents a modern system of divination using Cowrie shells. She does an excellent job of explaining how the system works and how you can become proficient with it. She also provides a few sample readings. I’ve been using it each day and I’m getting accurate readings.

Book Review: The Eden Project: In Search of the Magical Other by James Hollis (Affiliate link)

This book explores the myth of the magical other, the person that will supposedly complete you and heal all your wounds. The author debunks this myth and shows how we project onto other people what we are looking for, when the healing work we need to be doing is the work within ourselves. By doing this work we can free ourselves of the need for the magical other and have healthier relationships with the people in our lives. This book took the scales off my eyes about my relationships and my role in them and showed me why its essential to let go of the attachment to the magical other.

Book Review: What women want in a man by Bruce Bryans (Affiliate link)

This is an interesting book. There’s some points I agree with and other points I disagree with, but reading it made me think about the relationships I had in the past and consider how I showed up in the relationships and how the women in my life responded to how I showed up. It’s worth reading if you want to take a different look at yourself and how you show up in relationships.

Book Review: What women want when they test men by Bruce Bryans (Affiliate link)

Reading this book was hard, because I initially had some knee jerk reactions but when I really began to consider what the author was sharing I was able to identify the behaviors he spoke of. It helped me understand my past relationships from a different angle and see some of the ways that a man can get tested and not even realize it. It gave me some deep food for thought on how I can be better grounded and aware of myself, and be less of a so-called nice guy.

Book Review: Live Your Truth by Kamal Ravikant (Affiliate link)

Another excellent book which explores why it’s important to live your truth, whatever that is, from a place of genuine honesty and connection. The various insights have helped me with my self-love journey and with bring my life to a different place where I am being honest with myself and what I really want, while also being less attached to all the things that otherwise get in the way.

Going back to basics part 1

I discuss why it can be good to go back to basics and share why I’m doing that right in my spiritual and magical practice as a result of a couple experiences I’ve had this previous week.

Journey to Sacred Masculinity Part 2: An Exploration of Fear

In this video I get candid about my experiences with fear and how fear has played and does play a role in my experience of my identity as a man. I also share what I’m doing to develop a healthier relationship with my fear as well as the challenges I’m encountering as I work with fear.