One of the questions I sometimes ask myself is what the benefit of internal work is. I ask this question because it can be easy to get so caught up in the internal work that you don’t seem to really make progress because you’re busy dealing with whatever is coming up internally. You can get stuck in your head and your heart at times because of how intense internal work can get. Yet I think that staying the course with internal work is ultimately beneficial. After all, when you are doing internal work you are getting the opportunity to recognize your issues and triggers and work through them in a way that can liberate you from them. A life unexamined, in contrast, is often messier in the long run, even if in the short run it seems less complicated.
Identity as the compilation of the past
In the last week and a half I’ve been engaged in an experiment around how I frame my past, in relationship to my present. This experiment came about as a result of reading The Courage to be Happy (affiliate link) In that book the author makes the point that people often use the past to define the present, justifying their current circumstances because of what previously happened. Certainly, this has been my own experience and I found myself in a place where I was feeling on edge because of events that had happened over the course of the last year.
The author makes the point that an alternate perspective can be adapted, where we consider what meaning a person’s present identity is giving to the past. He also argues that the past doesn’t exist, because its something that can’t be regained It is simply gone. Instead what happens is that people compile their past experiences and use them to justify their current sense of identity. Anything that runs counter to the present experience they want to cultivate is conveniently forgotten and ignored. Consequently what ought to be considered is that a person’s now defines their past as opposed to the past defining the present.
Rediscovering my Identity Part 3
I share how to be present with your identity shifts and why you need to slow down sometimes and go still in order to fully assimilate what comes with those identity shifts.
The connection between internal work and Qi Gong
This last weekend I had the opportunity to take a class on the wood element in Taoism, which specifically focused on learning how to work with the ligaments and tendons of the body. It was an intense class, where we spent a lot of time doing qi gong (moving meditation) around tensing and releasing the ligaments and tendons. What I found most fascinating though was the internal work that happened around these activities.
When I do moving meditation, sometimes the focus is on just doing the movement and fully immersing yourself in the experiences that come up as you do the movement. The focus on movement is essential because you are moving your body in incredibly sophisticated and subtle ways. For example, a slight sensation of kneeling down can involve the tensing and releasing of ligaments in your feet. Likewise, straightening and folding your arms can involve a similar experience of moving the ligaments.
Just being and problem solving
Sometimes the path for solving a problem is to not do anything to solve it. I talk about the internal work I’m doing each day while driving my car and how having concentrated time to be with myself is helping me work through the issues and challenges that have come up, by using Dzogchen meditation. Bonus: I end up going into some personal territory and also discuss my thoughts on the occult community and why I do the work I do and share what I share.
What does it mean to be grounded?
In an interview I did with Liz Worth, we ended up discussing the need to find balance in your life and not go overboard with your spiritual work. It got me thinking about what it really means to be grounded, especially in relationship to my recent article on recovering from spiritual burnout. I know from my own experiences and what it’s like to go overboard, because I’ve done it with magic and with being a workaholic sometimes. I’ve had to learn the necessity of achieving a better sense of groundedness in what I do through having experiences where I overdid it.
I’ve been reflecting on my own sense of balance quite a bit over the last few years, because I’ve had to make some changes in how I approach my spiritual work, my writing, and other facets of my life. I’ve realized that being grounded isn’t simply making sure you eat a bit of food after a ritual or a do a banishing. Being grounded is connecting to your life in a meaningful way that doesn’t always involve a sense of having to do something, fix something, manifest something, or otherwise deal with whatever seems to be driving you.
The Magic of working with your emotions
When you think about your emotions, perhaps the last thing you might consider is that there is a magical aspect to your emotions, or that emotions should even be worked with magically. After all, emotions seem to fall in the domain of psychology and while you can do shadow work around emotions that isn’t always considered “real” magical work. Yet in my own experiences and in observing other magicians, I think there’s a real need to work with the emotions and to do so in a way that is healthy, while also recognizing the role emotions can play in magical work.
What I’ve discovered in my own magical practice, and from observing other practitioners is that while magic can solve some problems, it can also exacerbate other issues, and this can include issues around the emotions. Certainly when I look back at my younger self, I see recognize times when I was reactive with my magical practice because of the emotions I was feeling at the time. I let those emotions take over my identity in the moment. As I began doing internal work aka shadow work around my emotions, it also changed my magical practice. I became less reactive in my usage of magic to resolve problems and started to carefully consider the impact.
The Ethics and Pragmatics of Love Magic
Should you do magic to find your ideal romantic partner? And if you do love magic should you try and get a specific person to love you or should you take a more generalized approach? I answer these questions and explore the topic of love in general and share my own pragmatic approach to handling love and love magic.
How to create and sustain a consistent meditation practice
One of the questions I get asked is how to create and sustain a consistent meditation practice. It’s a good question to ask, because it can be a challenge to make time to meditate, especially when you’re working a full time job, have kids, and other responsibilities that can eat up your time. And maybe you have none of those things. Maybe your challenge is simply around the act of meditating and you struggle to make any progress with meditating. Regardless of what the reason is, it doesn’t have to be hard to develop a consistent meditation practice.
The first thing that needs to be realized is that there’s no idealized state of being that says your meditating. A lot of people get caught up in the idea that they have to empty their minds in order to successfully meditate. While a state of no-mind is one example of a state of meditation, you can also be meditating in other states of mind. For example, I regularly do Taoist meditation, which among other things includes the dissolving of internal tensions and blockages. Sometimes thoughts and emotions come up during that process and then I’m working through them in meditation. That is still a viable state of meditation.
Case Study: Creating the Elemental Balancing Ritual
I created the Elemental Balancing Ritual in 2004 and I have used it ever since then as a year-long (or more) magical working dedicated to an element that I work with during that year, as a means of both doing internal work and aligning myself with the elemental energy I’m working with. Elements I’ve worked with include earth, fire, and water, but also include emptiness, love, movement, still, and creativity. This year I’m working with the elements of Connection and Truth, which is the first time I’ve worked with two elements, but there’s a reason for it, because of the spirits I’m working with.
My definition of an elemental energy and/or spirit differs from the conventional definition which only recognize 5 elements: Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit in the West and Earth, Water, Wood, Metal, and Fire in the East. I’m not basing my definition of elements solely on a seasonal perspective or from the perspective of what constitutes the Earth in a primal sense of the word. Instead I consider elements to be primal forces that move us and are mediated by us. For emptiness, as an element is something most people grapple with at some point in their lives and it is something that can move a person to take actions to try and fill that emptiness or come to peace with it.
Dissolving Patterns in Internal Work
How to recognize patterns in your life and how to dissolve them.
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How to do internal work around long term issues
I share how to do internal work around long term issues in your life and explain why you can't always resolve those issues in one shot.
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How to dissolve shock
I discuss how to recognize and undo shock and other internal blockages as well clear out the energy in your external environment.
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Ongoing Work with Qi Gong
Over the last few months I’ve been learning some different qi gong methods and practicing them, and while doing that also integrating into the Sphere of Art work, where I’ve found a natural fit for them. In this post I thought I would share the work in some detail, and what I’ve discovered as I’ve done it.
The qi gong practices I’m mainly focused on doing is Energy Gates and Gods Playing in the Clouds. Energy Gates is a combination of a standing practice with a few movements, which when done properly move the qi through the body in a spiraling manner. Gods Playing in the Clouds is a set of movements that works through all of the energy channels and the nei-gong. I’ve currently learned 3 of the movements and I’m learning a 4th one now. I’m also taking a 4 weekend intensive which explores the spine and which I’m finding is relevant to the rest of the work. I’m practicing the Qi Gong between 1-2 hours currently, though I plan to increase that a bit more once I wrap up the day job and I figure out what my new routine will look like.
What happens when the internal work gets hard
I discuss how to handle internal work when it gets hard and share some of my own experiences around that as well as how to handle thoughts in internal work.
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Sigil Walking
Sigil walking is a technique I’ve developed based off Bua Gua, which is a martial arts moving meditation of circle walking. I recently had the opportunity to learn the basics of Bua Gua and it occurred to me that the principles of circle walking could be applied to charging and firing sigils for practical magic, or for invoking and working with a spirit. It is suggested that for you to get the possible use out of this technique, you should make yourself familiar with some type of walking meditation that moves the energy.
In Bua Gua, when you walk, you are pushing your internal energy to the Earth to connect with the Earth energy and then bringing that energy back up through your body and connecting it with the Stellar energy. Or at least that’s my experience when I do the walking. Since you are raising energy in this way, it occurred to me that you could also direct that energy accordingly, either for a practical magical working, or as a way to connect with a spirit.
Elemental Balancing Ritual Creativity Month 18
3-23-2020 Last night I transitioned over to Ain Soph Aur/Pluto/Suvuviel. The three veils aren’t typically included in a Tree of Life work, but it seemed appropriate to me that I work with them. But I’ll admit I sense of morbid amusement that I would start working with Pluto on this month, of all months, when we’re dealing with the corona virus. Then again, it really is appropriate because Pluto is about death and rebirth and all of us, in one form or another, are going through exactly that.
Suvuviel is also appropriate because he’s the archangel of the present, and of the spirit cord. He ties everything together with the cord, but he can also unravel the cord. He’s present in all moments, because he is part of the present.
When I connected with Ain Soph Aur/Pluto/Suvuviel, I felt like I was at the very pinnacle of the solar system, looking back at the sun and the planets, at the earth and everything going on and I felt Suvuviel come through and explain that part of this experience is necessarily about seeing the entire picture, looking beyond the immediate circumstance to the underlying patterns. I’m not just looking at this moment in time, but all the work I’ve done the previous 17 months.
My experience with Dao-Yin exercises and how I learn new movements
I’m currently practicing Dao Yin exercises that I’m learning from reading The Four Dragons by Damo Mitchell (affiliate link). As with any new practice that involves the manipulation of one’s chi, I find that its really useful to learn a practice in stages, and course correct as needed based on the experiences you’re having with the practice. In the case of learning the Dao Yin practices, the one I’m currently practicing and learning are four basic exercises that are designed to help you purge pathogenic chi, through the movements.
Endarkenment Ponderings and Experiences
I decided to take a class taught by Anastacia Nutt, called Endarkenment, which explores the process of settling into the rhythms of winter, among other things. I thought I would share here my notes and observations. I’ve purposely kept this post separate from the elemental balancing work, because it is its own thing and I want to honor it as such.
12-16-2019 I got sick a couple days before the endarkenment class started and on the day before, I lay in my bed, in the dark, feverish and afraid of the dark and yet opening myself to it nonetheless and letting it fill me. It felt a lot like stillness, like a sense of timeless infinity that poured through the entirety of my being and reminded me of how small I am and yet how intricately woven I am into this thread of life.
How to embrace and work with the shadow aspects of yourself
As I’ve been working with the Chesedic current this month, one of the elements of the work I’ve been encountered are the shadow aspects of that current, which have manifested in being more aware of my own selfishness and how that selfishness shows up in my life. I’ve also had this mirrored for me in a fiction series I’m reading, where the one character’s selfishness has really stood out to me more than it may have in the past. Yet what I’ve found most fascinating with all this is a very interesting approach to this work with the shadow aspect that’s being called forth.